Question

关于英语竞赛作文的问题，求高手解答，比较急，给一些意见，高分

本人参加了学校的高中英文作文竞赛，初试题目为关于对追求时尚的看法，我自己老感觉语言不是很完美，于是看看是否能在网上得到启发，无意中在人家QQ空间里面发现了一篇英文日志，恰好也是时尚问题，准备借鉴下，但问题是，这篇日志我感觉好像读起来有点别扭，但是貌似还写得还不错，说不出来，希望高手帮分析一下，看那篇文章哪些地方值得借鉴，我想把语言表达提高一个档次，这是竞赛文章
这是那个空间，http://user.qzone.qq.com/349387806/infocenter进去后第一篇日志就是 Of fashion and trend希望高人帮帮忙，这个竞赛很重要。 PS：对于这篇文章，我个人觉得貌似和我们一般的作文有点不一样，但是有种说不出来的感觉，貌似应该是个大学生写的，不知道这种语言风格适不适合竞赛文章呢 ，谢谢大家了，
希望意见详细一点，这次比赛比较重要，谢谢大家了

Answer 1

该篇文章富有散文般的美丽，题目于文风相得益彰，不失为优秀的文章。但我个人认为，该文针对高中的英语竞赛，未免过于华丽，不妨进行一下修改，使之更加符合中学生的口味。Trend, as it is, never fails to channel its slaves into the realm teeming with temptations, desires and satisfactions, regardless of how it will come about or for what push it is holding. We cannot deny that the increasing senses of globalism and the fusion of cultures have brought this never-disabled desire to the top of cultural pyramid, bordering on to dominate the whole time of young people and being a symbol which we are all readily crawling to.

Fashion, a word constantly perpetuating bond between values of women and tendency in the swim, always drifts our desires into those circles of lures. An example goes like this: thirty years ago, a woman often paid more attention to its quality, to be exact, its endurance when they wanted to get a new clothing. Nevertheless, those girls’ present concentration has turned to some things more of fashion tendency-----style, matches, or its potential of catching-eyes etc. The traditional apparel, Qipao, with descent of Tang dynasty, may be the only faint shade of those times. We never deny the present value and appreciation, because we can never successfully illustrate this world the way we draw a truth from mass experiences and obey it invariably. The truth always carries its invariability through a certain section of history course as against inconstant values of people towards certain things and their temporary tendency reflected in those things.

Silly and ridiculous could it be that we all swarm in to be the followers of a trend which, no one can expect exactly when it will spring up or vanish under our eyelids? It changes so fast and whimsically that nobody could really catch it despite the fact that the staggering consumption and investment records witness those distorted values of women.

Another factor, dominating the conception of people’s consumption, is irrational behaviors. The persistence of rationality must not continue until we get our desires to satisfactions off my minds. It is, as I see, like a inner rings of lures where everyone would covet more as soon as they squeeze in---- an endless lure smacking of slaveries’ smells. The people outside would lead their eyes to inner ring’s door and squarely stare at those lures, once approach the outer one. The trend, usually ahead of all of us of course, has been creating the novelty to absorb our eyes. This novelty, whatever it is you think of, once is worn off, the tendency to the marvelous, as it appears, bursts suddenly like bubbles and then leaves staled to us. If any, you would be looking for another ring, namely, the new tendency. The tendency always goes like this; they try to dazzle your eyes once bind us to its tail, and then the irrationality comes as a sequel.

Here, I have to show a critical evidence that the values produced by irrational consumption has registered more than two millions RMB. What did we have ever got, however, after we trade desperately so substantial worth for the fleeting temptations-----the clothing or cosmetic or digital products or whatever they are-----the only criterion they share in common, to be exact, is catching your eyes. I think there would be another story if we merely keep our desires in restraint to some extend and turn our preoccupation to the poverty or the depressed instead. It would be more valuable to give pre-eminence to this shift.

Indeed, the real fashion should be symbolized as a behavior positive and upward that never lead to lose our own way. The old rainbow’s end will still be ahead of you and you never ever keep abreast of it.

Answer 2

如果要模仿文章写的话最好了，你只需要选一个比较好的话题，比如道德伦理方面的，谈得深入老师就会打高分，关键是不要写老师讨厌的话题。就算你一定要写也可以，但是必须要写得畅快淋漓让老师无可挑剔，如果文笔不达标的话强烈建议你不要作无谓的尝试。

Answer 3

不能你自己都觉得不好，不能用

Answer 4

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