Question

100分悬赏 托福独立写作求大牛批改（最好是考过托福的大牛），非诚勿扰！最好给个分数，万分感谢~

题目：TPO11：Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Currently many issues about the information getting from Internet are brought out, and more and more people start to concern aboutthe fact. Whether people access to information through internet are good ornot? My answer is yes. In my point of view, accessing to information through Internet is apparently benefit human being in the long run. It's based on threereasons.
First and foremost, Internet offers people a new wayto learn knowledge. As we all know, everyone who has computer can study at homeby using Internet. There are various academic databases which including the allsorts of knowledge are available on Internet, like the information about politics,economics and so on. This great function is essentially helpful for arousingthe internal motive of seeking knowledge and preparing them with more knowledge necessary for any works.
Furthermore, Internet could help to improve our lifequalities. This means that we can live easier than before by surfing thorough the Internet, and save more time to do our favorable things. For example, Tenyears ago, I had to walk ten miles to buy a bottle of wine for my father. But now, the only things I need to do are that opening the computer, finding theinformation about the wine sellers, and telling the sellers what I need to buy.Then I could just watch TV at home, and wait the wine come to my house. Underthis circumstance, the information from Internet actually provide with more convenientlives for human being and improve our living conditions.
What's more, the information from the internet could be a good way to maintain a fair social. A research conducted by sociologistsfrom Reuters last year and the data of the investigation suggests that morethan 80% people trend to believe that using Internet can decrease the crimepossibilities. The sociologists explained that polices can acquire the information about everyone through the internet, so that they can absolutely solve the case efficiently, so that less people dare to break the law.
Although, I have to admitted that there are someunreal information on Internet, and these information will threaten the livesof some people. In any way, the fact that Internet benefits us so much cannotbe undermined by those problems.
All in all, I draw the conclusion that accessing to information by internet could benefit people by offering the opportunities togain knowledge, enhance the quality of life and maintain social stability,despite the fact that there might be some minor side effect. Believe it or not,Internet will be a more important part in our life in the future.

Answer 1

语法错误改改
whether good or not 你的回答得是good/bad
第一段把三个reason总结写一下

总体写的不错 如果语法错误改改掉 还有那些打到一起的单词改改好 如果小作文也这水平 估摸着26+吧

Answer 2

追问

大神，你给的第一段的最后一句为什么是错的，word上显示语法有误~能再看下吗？
Threereasons below serve as undeniable facts to support my opinion.

万分感谢，能留个QQ号嘛？求长期合作！每篇100分啊！

追答

那句话没错。但我家word也给标错。
不留，算了吧。

追问

好的，谢谢

Answer 3

大词用得太少。缺转折段。