Question

求改作文

主要想请大虾们改下：时态，单词的使用，各种语法的使用，谢谢。（图略）
This thought-provoking drawing vividly illustrates that a vast net,like a spider web, has connected people,but it also put everyone into a cell where they can only communicate with others by net.
It is believed that the drawer want to tell us the change that is brought by the internet revolution（此处的我想用定语从句修饰change不知道对吗）.the internet can connect our world together,make our life more convenient,for example,we now can go shopping online,which make us don't need to go out,or we can talk with our friend who is oversea by qq. On the contrary,the wildly use of internet also cause some problems for us, the bonds among people are weaken by online communication,because the traditional face-to-face communication is not popular any more,people are more willing to communicate with others by qq.
Above all,it is obvious that the revolution of internet has brought us more benefits than side effect,but we should have an eye on the problems that are caused by internet （这里的定从不知道对吗）and emphasis the traditional face-to-face communication that can promote people's friendship and love.

Answer 1

有一些小的语法错误，比如第二行的put应改为puts；
第四行want应为wants；
第五行的the可以省掉，因为这里并不需要强调internet；
第六行的make改为making；
同行的for example应改为For example，因为这是一个新的句子；
第七行的overseas应改为living abroad；
倒数第七行的weaken因改为weakened；

还有一些表达上的问题，比如第四行it is believed应改为it is undeniable或者别的adj。 因为 it is v_ed 句型表示：据... 举个例子：it is said...=据说。。。 这个句型用在这儿会导致语义不通畅。

第七行online后的从句在表达上也存在问题，应改为：which means that we needn't to go out;
同行的or应改为in addition,。

还有关于第四行 change后的从句，个人感觉若是改成 change brought about by 会更好一点。

倒数第三行的problems后应直接跟caused 这样会使句子更通顺。

Answer 2

that are caused by internet （这里的定从不知道对吗） 去掉are
cause是动词

Answer 3

This thought-provoking drawing vividly illustrates that a vast net,like a spider web, has connected people,but it also put everyone into a cell where they can only communicate with others by net.
It is believed that the drawer wantS to tell us the change that is brought by the internet revolution（此处的我想用定语从句修饰change不知道对吗）.the internet can connect our world together,make our life more convenient,for example,we now can go shopping online,which make us don't need to go out,or we can talk with our friend who is oversea by qq. On the contrary,the wildly use of internet also causeS some problems for us, the bonds among people are weaken by online communication,because the traditional face-to-face communication is not popular any more,people are more willing to communicate with others by qq.
Above all,it is obvious that the revolution of internet has brought us more benefits than side effect,but we should have an eye on the problems WHICH are caused by internet （这里的定从不知道对吗）and emphasis the traditional face-to-face communication that can promote people's friendship and love.