求英语讲故事比赛的稿，最好比较幽默一点！跪求！！！！！！ 20
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Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
A teacher said to her class:
"Who was the first man?"
“George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly.
"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.
"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."
But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?"
"I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."
有个老师问班上的学生：
“谁是第一个男人？”
“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。
“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢？”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”
这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。
“那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人呢？”
“我不知道他的名字，”大点儿的男孩说，“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿取了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”
Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大脑袋
“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”
“别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说：“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了，去商店买10磅土豆来。”
“购物袋在哪？”
“我没有购物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
A teacher said to her class:
"Who was the first man?"
“George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly.
"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.
"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."
But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?"
"I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."
有个老师问班上的学生：
“谁是第一个男人？”
“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。
“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢？”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”
这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。
“那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人呢？”
“我不知道他的名字，”大点儿的男孩说，“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿取了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”
Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
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小马过河
小马和他的妈妈住在绿草茵茵的十分美丽的小河边。除了妈妈过河给河对岸的村子送粮
食的时候，他总是跟随在妈妈的身边寸步不离。
他过的很快乐，时光飞快地过去了。
有一天，妈妈把小马叫到身边说：“小马，你已经长大了，可以帮妈妈做事了。今天你
把这袋粮食送到河对岸的村子里去吧。”
小马非常高兴地答应了。他驮着粮食飞快地来到了小河边。可是河上没有桥，只能自己
淌过去。可又不知道河水有多深呢？犹豫中的小马一抬头，看见了正在不远处吃草的牛伯
伯。小马赶紧跑过去问到：“牛伯伯，您知道那河里的水深不深呀？”
牛伯伯挺起他那高大的身体笑着说：“不深，不深。才到我的小腿。”小马高兴地跑回
河边准备淌过河去。他刚一迈腿，忽然听见一个声音说：“小马，小马别下去，这河可深
啦。”小马低头一看，原来是小松鼠。小松鼠翘着她的漂亮的尾巴，睁者圆圆的眼睛，很认
真地说：
“前两天我的一个伙伴不小心掉进了河里，河水就把他卷走了。”小马一听没主意了。
牛伯伯说河水浅，小松鼠说河水深，这可怎么办呀？只好回去问妈妈。
马妈妈老远地就看见小马低着头驮着粮食又回来了。心想他一定是遇到困难了，就迎过
去问小马。小马哭着把牛伯伯和小松鼠的话告诉了妈妈。妈妈安慰小马说：“没关系，咱们
一起去看看吧。”
小马和妈妈又一次来到河边，妈妈这回让小马自己去试探一下河水有多深。小马小心地
试探着，一步一步地淌过了河。噢，他明白了，河水既没有牛伯伯说的那么浅，也没有小松
鼠说的那么深。只有自己亲自试过才知道。
小马深情地向妈妈望了一眼，心里说：“谢谢你了，好妈妈。”
小马和他的妈妈住在绿草茵茵的十分美丽的小河边。除了妈妈过河给河对岸的村子送粮
食的时候，他总是跟随在妈妈的身边寸步不离。
他过的很快乐，时光飞快地过去了。
有一天，妈妈把小马叫到身边说：“小马，你已经长大了，可以帮妈妈做事了。今天你
把这袋粮食送到河对岸的村子里去吧。”
小马非常高兴地答应了。他驮着粮食飞快地来到了小河边。可是河上没有桥，只能自己
淌过去。可又不知道河水有多深呢？犹豫中的小马一抬头，看见了正在不远处吃草的牛伯
伯。小马赶紧跑过去问到：“牛伯伯，您知道那河里的水深不深呀？”
牛伯伯挺起他那高大的身体笑着说：“不深，不深。才到我的小腿。”小马高兴地跑回
河边准备淌过河去。他刚一迈腿，忽然听见一个声音说：“小马，小马别下去，这河可深
啦。”小马低头一看，原来是小松鼠。小松鼠翘着她的漂亮的尾巴，睁者圆圆的眼睛，很认
真地说：
“前两天我的一个伙伴不小心掉进了河里，河水就把他卷走了。”小马一听没主意了。
牛伯伯说河水浅，小松鼠说河水深，这可怎么办呀？只好回去问妈妈。
马妈妈老远地就看见小马低着头驮着粮食又回来了。心想他一定是遇到困难了，就迎过
去问小马。小马哭着把牛伯伯和小松鼠的话告诉了妈妈。妈妈安慰小马说：“没关系，咱们
一起去看看吧。”
小马和妈妈又一次来到河边，妈妈这回让小马自己去试探一下河水有多深。小马小心地
试探着，一步一步地淌过了河。噢，他明白了，河水既没有牛伯伯说的那么浅，也没有小松
鼠说的那么深。只有自己亲自试过才知道。
小马深情地向妈妈望了一眼，心里说：“谢谢你了，好妈妈。”
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