校园英语话剧
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（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：
Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众）
I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?
荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
The End
OR
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
(Scene 1: Harry Potter was born a wizard but after Voldemort, an evil wizard, kills his parents, he is raised by his relatives, the Dursleys, who treats him more like vermin than like a family member.)
Uncle Vernon: I\'m warning you. If you don\'t control that 1)bloody bird, it\'ll have to go!
Harry: But she\'s bored. If I could only let her out... for an hour or two.
Uncle Vernon: Harumph. So you can send secret messages to your 2)freaking little friends? No, sir!
Harry: But I haven\'t had any messages from any of my friends. Not one - all summer.
Dudley: Who\'d want to be friends with you?
Uncle Vernon: I should think you\'d be a little more grateful. We\'ve raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table, even let you have Dudley\'s second bedroom, purely out of the goodness of our hearts.
Aunt Petunia: Not now, Hopkins, not when the Masons arrive.
Uncle Vernon: ...which should be any minute! And, now, let\'s go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive you will be...
Aunt Petunia: ...in the lounge, waiting to welcome them 3)graciously to our home.
Uncle Vernon: Good. And Dudley, you will be...
Dudley: I\'ll be waiting to open the door.
Uncle Vernon: Excellent! (Pause several seconds, to Harry, 4)menacing) And you?
Harry: I\'ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don\'t exist.
Uncle Vernon: Too right you will! With any luck this could well be the day I make the biggest deal in my career, and you will not 5)mess it up!
(Scene 2: When Harry enters his bedroom, the house elf Dobby is waiting for him who warns him that under no circumstances is he to return to Hogwarts, where a great danger is waiting for him.)
Dobby: (Jumping up and down on Harry\'s bed) Nah hah! Whoo hoo hoo! (Seeing Harry) Harry Potter! Such an honour it is!
Harry: Who are you?
Dobby: Dobby, sir. Dobby, the house elf.
Harry: Not to be rude or anything, but this isn\'t a great time for me to have a house elf in my bedroom.
Dobby: Oh. Oh, yes, sir. Dobby understands. It\'s just that, Dobby has come to tell you... it is difficult, sir... Dobby wonders where to begin.
Harry: Why don\'t you sit down.
Dobby: (Surprised) Sit down? Sit... sit down? Oooooh ho ho! (6)Wailing) Oooooh ho ho !
Harry: Dobby, please, I\'m sorry, I didn\'t mean to offend you or anything.
Dobby: Offend Dobby!? Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal!
Harry: You can\'t have met many 7)decent wizards then.
Dobby: No! I haven\'t! It was an awful thing to say. (Stomping, pounding his head on the wall) Bad bobby! Bad bobby!
Harry: Dobby! Please Stop!
Dobby: Dobby had to punish himself, sir. Dobby almost 8)spoke ill of his family, sir.
Harry: Your family!
Dobby: The wizard family Dobby serves, sir. Dobby\'s bound to serve one family forever. If they ever knew Dobby was here... (shivery) oooo! But Dobby had to come. Dobby has to protect Harry Potter! To warn him! Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwart\'s School of 9)Witchcraft and 10)Wizardry this year. There is a plot; a plot to make the most terrible things happen!
Harry: What terrible things? Who\'s 11)plotting them?
Dobby: Ooh! Dare... can\'t ... say!
Harry: OK. I understand. You can\'t say.
Dobby: (Tearing sound) Erck! Ack! Aah...
(Scene 3: Harry meets the Malfoys in the Diagon Alley.)
Draco Malfoy: (Jealously) Bet you loved that, 12)didn\'t ya, Potter!? Famous Harry Potter! Can\'t even enter a bookstore without makin\' the front page!
Ginny: Leave him alone!
Draco Malfoy: Alright, Potter, ya got yourself a girlfriend!
Lucius Malfoy: Now, Draco. Play nicely. (To Harry) Mr. Potter? (Introduce self) Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend as, of course is the wizard who gave it to you.
Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer!
Lucius Malfoy: Hmmm. You must be very brave to mention his name, or very foolish.
Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
Lucius Malfoy: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Drake has told me all about you, and your parents... 13)Muggles, aren\'t they? (To Ron) Let me see. Red hair, 14)vacant expressions, 15)tatty, second-hand book... you must be at the Weasley\'s.
Arthur Weasley: Children! It\'s not in here! That side!
Lucius Malfoy: Where, where, where? Weasley senior.
Arthur Weasley: Lucius.
Lucius Malfoy: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur -- those extra 16)raids. I do hope they paid you 17)overtime. But judging by the state of this, I\'d say not. As for you, sir, a disgrace to the name of wizard.
And they don\'t even pay you well for it?
Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众）
I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?
荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
The End
OR
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
(Scene 1: Harry Potter was born a wizard but after Voldemort, an evil wizard, kills his parents, he is raised by his relatives, the Dursleys, who treats him more like vermin than like a family member.)
Uncle Vernon: I\'m warning you. If you don\'t control that 1)bloody bird, it\'ll have to go!
Harry: But she\'s bored. If I could only let her out... for an hour or two.
Uncle Vernon: Harumph. So you can send secret messages to your 2)freaking little friends? No, sir!
Harry: But I haven\'t had any messages from any of my friends. Not one - all summer.
Dudley: Who\'d want to be friends with you?
Uncle Vernon: I should think you\'d be a little more grateful. We\'ve raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table, even let you have Dudley\'s second bedroom, purely out of the goodness of our hearts.
Aunt Petunia: Not now, Hopkins, not when the Masons arrive.
Uncle Vernon: ...which should be any minute! And, now, let\'s go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive you will be...
Aunt Petunia: ...in the lounge, waiting to welcome them 3)graciously to our home.
Uncle Vernon: Good. And Dudley, you will be...
Dudley: I\'ll be waiting to open the door.
Uncle Vernon: Excellent! (Pause several seconds, to Harry, 4)menacing) And you?
Harry: I\'ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don\'t exist.
Uncle Vernon: Too right you will! With any luck this could well be the day I make the biggest deal in my career, and you will not 5)mess it up!
(Scene 2: When Harry enters his bedroom, the house elf Dobby is waiting for him who warns him that under no circumstances is he to return to Hogwarts, where a great danger is waiting for him.)
Dobby: (Jumping up and down on Harry\'s bed) Nah hah! Whoo hoo hoo! (Seeing Harry) Harry Potter! Such an honour it is!
Harry: Who are you?
Dobby: Dobby, sir. Dobby, the house elf.
Harry: Not to be rude or anything, but this isn\'t a great time for me to have a house elf in my bedroom.
Dobby: Oh. Oh, yes, sir. Dobby understands. It\'s just that, Dobby has come to tell you... it is difficult, sir... Dobby wonders where to begin.
Harry: Why don\'t you sit down.
Dobby: (Surprised) Sit down? Sit... sit down? Oooooh ho ho! (6)Wailing) Oooooh ho ho !
Harry: Dobby, please, I\'m sorry, I didn\'t mean to offend you or anything.
Dobby: Offend Dobby!? Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but never has he been asked to sit down by a wizard, like an equal!
Harry: You can\'t have met many 7)decent wizards then.
Dobby: No! I haven\'t! It was an awful thing to say. (Stomping, pounding his head on the wall) Bad bobby! Bad bobby!
Harry: Dobby! Please Stop!
Dobby: Dobby had to punish himself, sir. Dobby almost 8)spoke ill of his family, sir.
Harry: Your family!
Dobby: The wizard family Dobby serves, sir. Dobby\'s bound to serve one family forever. If they ever knew Dobby was here... (shivery) oooo! But Dobby had to come. Dobby has to protect Harry Potter! To warn him! Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwart\'s School of 9)Witchcraft and 10)Wizardry this year. There is a plot; a plot to make the most terrible things happen!
Harry: What terrible things? Who\'s 11)plotting them?
Dobby: Ooh! Dare... can\'t ... say!
Harry: OK. I understand. You can\'t say.
Dobby: (Tearing sound) Erck! Ack! Aah...
(Scene 3: Harry meets the Malfoys in the Diagon Alley.)
Draco Malfoy: (Jealously) Bet you loved that, 12)didn\'t ya, Potter!? Famous Harry Potter! Can\'t even enter a bookstore without makin\' the front page!
Ginny: Leave him alone!
Draco Malfoy: Alright, Potter, ya got yourself a girlfriend!
Lucius Malfoy: Now, Draco. Play nicely. (To Harry) Mr. Potter? (Introduce self) Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend as, of course is the wizard who gave it to you.
Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer!
Lucius Malfoy: Hmmm. You must be very brave to mention his name, or very foolish.
Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
Lucius Malfoy: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Drake has told me all about you, and your parents... 13)Muggles, aren\'t they? (To Ron) Let me see. Red hair, 14)vacant expressions, 15)tatty, second-hand book... you must be at the Weasley\'s.
Arthur Weasley: Children! It\'s not in here! That side!
Lucius Malfoy: Where, where, where? Weasley senior.
Arthur Weasley: Lucius.
Lucius Malfoy: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur -- those extra 16)raids. I do hope they paid you 17)overtime. But judging by the state of this, I\'d say not. As for you, sir, a disgrace to the name of wizard.
And they don\'t even pay you well for it?
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