Question

求大神翻译一篇英语文章

The Empty Nest
The Boy has gone off to college now. And here I am, left with all the peace and quiet I have learned not to miss.
I was not a man who wished for children. It seemed contrary to the notion of human happiness. I was single most of my life, and parenthood was something that afflicted other people. I watched it from a distance, and shuddered. (1)
When they were small, children seemed to scream for no apparent reason. As teenagers, they seemed to lose all sanity, pinging through mood swings, listening to music with more foul language than my uncles used drunk at a rooster fight. (2)In between infancy and high school graduation (if their parents were lucky), they were mostly just unclean.
Then one entered my life. I did not plan on him. He just came in the package, like a ninth piece of chicken in an eight-piece box, and, in time, made me pay for all the happiness I had enjoyed. He was 11 when he appeared, past the screaming years and before the age where everything that fell from my mouth was deemed idiotic.(3)
I got him in the unclean years, when I tried to avoid close contact with him because I was never quite certain where he had been. This is the child who once licked spaghetti sauce off the underside of his arm. No more needs to be said.
When he discovered girls he got much cleaner, but suddenly I was unfit to be around. I always said the wrong thing, or a dumb thing, or too loud a thing. When he had a girl over, I was banished to whatever room he was farthest from, like a cave troll. (4)
“I used to be cool,” I said. “Some people think I still am.” He gave me a pitying look. So did his mom.

Answer 1

这个男孩现在上大学去了。我在这里，留下了我学会不去错过的所有的宁静。
我不是一个想要孩子的人。这似乎与人类幸福的概念相反。我一生中大部分时间都是单身，为人父母是困扰其他人的一件事。我远远地看着它，打了个寒颤。
当他们还小的时候，孩子们似乎无缘无故地尖叫。十几岁的时候，他们似乎完全失去了理智，情绪起伏不定，听着比我叔叔在斗鸡时用的脏话还多的音乐。在婴儿和高中毕业之间(如果他们的父母幸运的话)，他们大多只是不干净。
然后一个进入了我的生活。我没料到会是他。他就像八块盒子里的第九块鸡肉，刚从包装里出来，不久就让我为我所享受的一切快乐付出了代价。他11岁时出现在我面前，经历了多年的尖叫，还没到我嘴里掉出来的东西都被认为是白痴的年龄。
我是在不洁净的年代得到它的，那时我试图避免与它亲密接触，因为我不太确定它去过哪里。这是一个曾经舔过胳膊下面意大利面酱汁的孩子。不用多说了。
当他发现女孩时，他变得更干净了，但突然间我不适合呆在这里了。我总是说错话，或说蠢话，或说得太大声。当他有个女孩过来的时候，我就像一个洞穴巨魔一样被放逐到离他最远的房间。
“我以前很酷，”我说。“有些人认为我现在还是。他同情地看了我一眼。他妈妈也是。

Answer 2

空 NestThe 男孩坏掉了大学到现在。现在，在这里我有我不想错过的所有和平与宁静。我不是一个男人想要孩子。它似乎有违人类幸福的概念。我是我生命中的单一大多数和父母是折磨别人的东西。我看着它从远处，并且在发抖。() 1他们小的时候，孩子们好像要尖叫，没有明显的理由。作为青少年，他们似乎失去了所有的理智，情绪波动，听听音乐与更多的粗言秽语，比我叔叔用烂醉在公鸡打架通过 pinging。() 2在婴儿期和高中毕业 (如果他们的父母是幸运的），他们大多只是不洁。然后一进入我的生活。我没有计划对他。他只是在程序包中，像鸡八块框中的第九届一块来了，在的时间，让我付出所有我得到的快乐。当他出现时，过去的尖叫几年和在哪里从我嘴里掉下来的一切被视为愚蠢的年龄之前，他是 11。(3) 我让他在不洁年，当我试图避免与他密切接触，因为我从来没有肯定的是他去了哪里。这是手臂的一次被舔掉他的底面意粉酱的孩子。需要会说没有更多。当他发现女孩他更洁净，但是突然我不适宜在附近。我总是说错误的事情，或一件蠢事或太大声一件事。当他结束了一个女孩时，我被放逐到他是最远的从，像一个山洞里无论房间巨魔。(4)"我用来装酷，"我说。"有些人认为我还是"。他给了我怜悯的目光。他的妈妈也是如此。

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