Question

【急求】雅思 作文批改

2014.1.11
Many young people choose to change their jobs after fewyears. Why?
Do the disadvantages overweight the advantages?

Answer 1

Nowadays（拼错）, a group of people have a debate on the issue why many young people change their jobs several years later. (这里缺少你的观点,do disadvantages overweight the advantages?).From my perspective, there exist two main reasons for this topic.（同上，topic是支持还是反对？）

Foremost, the new contemporary cannot insist on their jobs for long. No wonder that lots of young people grow up in a comfortable social environment（不完整句子）, most of them never suffer from situations which their parents did decades ago.Their parents had dealt with the time when poverty and hunger were the biggest (social上文重复了删去） problem. Without thinking about living problem, young people are intended to be self-pace instead of considering others. Hence, once those people get stuck by the work-related issues, they give them up quickly and easily rather than challenging them. Furthermore, as they live in a vivid world, they have diverse thoughts about their future. Once they find that they are not suitable for their current jobs, they will try to toward to a new direction. Since the new generations get touch with high0tech stuff from a young age, they have more innovative ideas about what they want to do next other than finding a permanent job. Besides the most vital thing is that they believe they can do well in their next job With the faith to make them keep moving on, they could abandon their present jobs easily.（这段大致没问题）
What is more, as for the topic, some individuals believe that the pros surpass cons while others hold（不是hold） an opposite view. In my opinion, the latter viewpoint makes better sense.

On one hand, it is hard to get a new job. As we know, the unemployed rate is still high, which means the positions for employers are insufficient. Ovviously, it is not a good choice to quit the job in such a competitive society. On the other hand, different jobs have different working standards. After few years’ work, individuals tent to get use to the working fields and working habits. Hoeever, changing jobs means you have to form a new work-ralated relationship in office. Sometimes, you will be asked to do the low-lever works which make people with high self-esteem feel uncomfortable. The consequence is they may change their jobs again.
In conclusion, considering all the factors mentioned above, the reasons for the topic are the living society and they youth’s personal thoughts. In consideration of the current social emply market, the weaknessnes of this issue outweigh the benefit.

后面的语法没有什么问题，有的地方有点奇怪但是说不上来。
作为托福的话有个问题，Do the disadvantages overweight the advantages?
是要你表达你的观点，overweight的话，第一段最好加上一行，中心句代表你的观点。

The disadvantages SHOULD overweight the advantages.
不然我看到最后那段才知道你的观点。。。如果换成TF的人，可没那么多的耐心看的。