Question

英语作文批改 谢谢

it goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common and serious pheonmenon in our society : with the rapid development of internet,We choose it as the only tool to communicate with others and don't want to do the samething in the reality .Therefore ,We live much closer than anytime before yet the distance inside of us further long than anytime before too.
麻烦各位说下都哪里错了 或者 给出更好的写法，谢谢
那个Rachel高萍~第一句话是如图所示的意思，这是看图作文第二段，不是说卡通，晕这都看不明白么

Answer 1

it goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common and serious pheonmenon in our society : with the rapid development of internet,We choose it as the only tool to communicate with others and don't want to do the samething in the reality .Therefore ,We live much closer than anytime before yet the distance inside of us further long than anytime before too.
首先 你写的是卡通 后面怎么会提到上网沟通呢？作文里面的大问题没有，就是不知道你到底注重表达什么主题，如果是写卡通的好坏，可以说它能够开发我们的想象力，给我们欢乐，创造没有的生物，表达奇幻的思想，但是，卡通毕竟是假的，过分的沉迷也不好的，还有现在有点卡通片会教坏小朋友之类的~ 如果你是写网络使人们的交流变多还是变少，那个问题直接可以搜出来的，网上很多的~ 需要的话，我还可以发一份给你~

Answer 2

【As is clearly shown by the cartoon】（加上这个可能好点），it goes without saying that the cartoon aims at revealing a common （and seriou）（去掉括号里面） pheonmenon in our society : with the rapid development of internet,

（We choose it as the only tool to communicate with others）
唯一的交流工具，不符合现实，应该改为 the essential tool 或者the popular tool
可以改为：The inrernet has become essencial to our life,We choose it as the popular tool to communicate with others

and don't want to do the same thing (in the reality) .
(in the reality) 应该为 in real life
Therefore ,We live much closer than anytime before
yet the distance
（inside of ）改为( between) us (become) further( long )改为 （longer）than anytime before too.

Answer 3

1.samething 应该分开，为 same thing
2.in the reality 是否改为 in reality 更好一些，为固定词组
3.anytime 应该分开，为 any time
4.before之后最好有个逗号隔开
5.further long 改为 much farther 似乎更好一些
6.inside of us 之后是否应该加上一个 is 或 seems

Answer 4

with 改成because of，the internet ，communicating.tool改成way of ，不用long