求助高手帮忙看看这篇雅思大作文能够打多少分，并且给点修改意见，谢谢了
题目是：Therearemanyadvertisementsdirectedatchildrensuchassnacks,toysandothergoods.Parent...
题目是：There are many advertisements directed at children such as snacks, toys and other goods. Parents argue that children are under pressure. Advertisers claim that the advertisements provide useful information. What is your opinion?
文章：
In contemporary world, the issue that whether advertisements are helpful to children or not, is a controversial topic and brings hot discussion. People who criticize advertisements contend that these proffer too much information to allure children to purchase the products, which may impose severe pressure on children. I disagree with this statement. I maintain that advertisements play an important role in young children’s lives. Several examples and reasons are listed as follows.
Apparently, some advertisements are intended made to attract children’s attention and others provide unnecessary information that may mislead young children who lack the ability of discrimination. However, in my observation, there are still many brilliant advertisers making advertisements which can be called masterpieces to children.
The main reason for my propensity is that a creative advertisement will not only introduce the good to children successfully but also stimulate the children’s creation and imagination. As we all know, children are curious about everything around the world, the weird and simulating advertisements provide an access for children to an imaginative world that broaden children’s outlook, they can work as triggers to motivate the ability of innovation in children, which can benefit children a lot in their further study.
Another argument should be considered equally is that sufficient information among all the advertisements help children acquire better discrimination. It is universally acknowledged that we can’t promise all the producers and advertisers are responsible to children, hence some useless or even harmful information will be received by children. But when we look at this situation in another perspective, when a pupil confronts choices from each advertisement, he has to separate the good from the evil clearly, through this process, he can well cultivate himself the ability of discrimination which can help himself make right decisions in his later life.
By and large, from my point of view, I think the advantage of advertisements overweighs the disadvantages under the circumstance that parents guide correctly and children appreciate advertisements constructively. 展开
文章：
In contemporary world, the issue that whether advertisements are helpful to children or not, is a controversial topic and brings hot discussion. People who criticize advertisements contend that these proffer too much information to allure children to purchase the products, which may impose severe pressure on children. I disagree with this statement. I maintain that advertisements play an important role in young children’s lives. Several examples and reasons are listed as follows.
Apparently, some advertisements are intended made to attract children’s attention and others provide unnecessary information that may mislead young children who lack the ability of discrimination. However, in my observation, there are still many brilliant advertisers making advertisements which can be called masterpieces to children.
The main reason for my propensity is that a creative advertisement will not only introduce the good to children successfully but also stimulate the children’s creation and imagination. As we all know, children are curious about everything around the world, the weird and simulating advertisements provide an access for children to an imaginative world that broaden children’s outlook, they can work as triggers to motivate the ability of innovation in children, which can benefit children a lot in their further study.
Another argument should be considered equally is that sufficient information among all the advertisements help children acquire better discrimination. It is universally acknowledged that we can’t promise all the producers and advertisers are responsible to children, hence some useless or even harmful information will be received by children. But when we look at this situation in another perspective, when a pupil confronts choices from each advertisement, he has to separate the good from the evil clearly, through this process, he can well cultivate himself the ability of discrimination which can help himself make right decisions in his later life.
By and large, from my point of view, I think the advantage of advertisements overweighs the disadvantages under the circumstance that parents guide correctly and children appreciate advertisements constructively. 展开
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Task2也就是大作文，要求考生在40分钟内写作一篇不少于250字的议论文。在Task 2方面非常相似。考生可能需要对某个观点发表支持或反驳意见，或者讨论针锋相对的一组观点，或者解释某种问题出现的原因并提出相应的解决办法。
雅思评分按9分制。基本上，移民或读语言学校起码要5分（Modest User）。留学需要6分（Competent User）以上。如果读的是法律、传媒、管理等名校的研究生的话，写作最好达到7分（Good User）。但考生最后写作成绩并不是Task 1和Task 2的简单平均，而是以Task 2为主。
Task 2（议论文）的三方面评分标准是：Arguments, Ideas and Evidence（论证，论点和论据）；Communicative Quality（交流质量）；Vocabulary and Sentence Structure（词汇与句子结构）。
从你的作文上看，论证，论点还可以，只是论据需要更有力一些，你这里只是一味地说，没有事实。交流质量上还不错，但是文中出现的定于从句比较多，而且这些句子中的语法错误出现的也比较多，本想给你改一下了，但是这里的字体都是一样，不好改，做一你需要自己在校正一下语法错误和结构。从你的作文来看，你的词汇和能力通过雅思考试已经可以了，就是需要锦上添花一下。
雅思评分按9分制。基本上，移民或读语言学校起码要5分（Modest User）。留学需要6分（Competent User）以上。如果读的是法律、传媒、管理等名校的研究生的话，写作最好达到7分（Good User）。但考生最后写作成绩并不是Task 1和Task 2的简单平均，而是以Task 2为主。
Task 2（议论文）的三方面评分标准是：Arguments, Ideas and Evidence（论证，论点和论据）；Communicative Quality（交流质量）；Vocabulary and Sentence Structure（词汇与句子结构）。
从你的作文上看，论证，论点还可以，只是论据需要更有力一些，你这里只是一味地说，没有事实。交流质量上还不错，但是文中出现的定于从句比较多，而且这些句子中的语法错误出现的也比较多，本想给你改一下了，但是这里的字体都是一样，不好改，做一你需要自己在校正一下语法错误和结构。从你的作文来看，你的词汇和能力通过雅思考试已经可以了，就是需要锦上添花一下。
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