请帮忙看一下这篇英语作文,请修改出其中的错误。有什么问题请帮忙指教

MyexperiencesonNewYear'sDayNewYearisthebestimportantthingforChinese.OnthisNewYear'sDa... My experiences on New Year's Day
New Year is the best important thing for Chinese.
On this New Year's Day,I went to my hometown and visit my grandparents. My grandparents live in a small villageand the sight is different from the city.During the stay in my grandparents' house, I did lots of things.But there is something makes me very happy .Let me show you about them!
In the evening of New Year's Day,my grandpa lit up a fire!The fire was very light,very strong and very warm!We all stood beside the fire and we felt very happy.
After that,we were all tired and hungry.So we go back to the room.To our surprise,there were many plates of dumplings on the table.They were made by my grandma.They are delicious and we eat them happily!
What a nice day! Although the day is pass,it will always be missed by me!
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迷笛_雾
2014-02-07
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My experiences on New Year's Day
New Year is the best important 【最重要-most important 】thing【事件-event】 for Chinese.
On this New Year's Day,I went to my hometown and visit【过去式-visited】 my grandparents. My grandparents live in a small village and the sight 【风景-scenery, sight表示视野,加一个there】is different from the city.During the stay in my grandparents' house, I did lots of things.But there is something makes me very happy .【转折关系不对。。。用and更好~】Let me show you about them!
In the evening of New Year's Day,my grandpa lit up a fire!The fire was very light【明亮的 用bright 更好】,very strong and very warm!We all stood beside the fire and we felt very happy.
After that,we were all tired and hungry.So we go back to the room.To our surprise,there were many plates of dumplings on the table.They were made by my grandma.They are delicious and we eat【过去式-ate】 them happily!
What a nice day! Although the day is pass【已经结束要用现在完成时has passed】,it will always be missed by me!【这句话没必要用被动,改 I will always remember it】
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谢谢你的回答,还有其他地方吗
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我把能看出来的都改了~不用谢~
倾倒的城堡
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  1. best 改成most

  2. new year's day指元旦. 春节用chinese new year's day

  3. 你想说的是你回老家过年了. 如果你不是出生在老家,那么就不是hometown.可以说I went to visit my grandparents who lived in another town. 如果你出生在那里, 用went back to hometown.

  4. My grandparents lived in...全部用过去时.

  5. During the stay in my grandparents' house, I did lots of things.But there is something makes me very happy.

    改成...I did something that made me very happy.

  6. the fire was very light, strong and warm

  7. we all stood around the fire happily

  8. We went back inside of the house when we felt tired and hungry

  9. To our surprise, my grandma made plates of dumplings, which were delicious.

  10. What an unforgetable chinese new year's day I had even been!

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寒夜未至
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2014-02-07 · 守护你的好奇心是我的星辰大海
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My experiences on New Year's Day
New Year is the most important thing for Chinese.
On this New Year's Day,I went to my hometown and visited my grandparents. My grandparents live in a small villageand whose sight is different from the modern city.During the day staying in my grandparents' house, I did lots of things but there were something making me very happy .Let me show you about them!
In the evening of New Year's Day,my grandpa lighted up a fire.The fire was very light,very strong and very warm!We all stood beside the fire and we felt very happy.
After that,we were all tired and hungry.So we went back to the room.To our surprise,there were many plates of dumplings on the table.They were made by my grandma.They were delicious and we ate them happily.
What a nice day! Although the day was pass,it would always be missed by me.

首先叙述的事情应该用过去式,there be句型中的动词用进行时
希望采纳,时间不快,绝对正确
加油哈
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抛B物线
2014-02-07 · 超过12用户采纳过TA的回答
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  My experiences on New Year's Day
New Year is the 【most】 important thing for Chinese.
【去掉on】This New Year's Day,I went to my hometown and visit my grandparents. My grandparents live in a small villageand【and】 the sight【there】 is different from the city.During 【that time when I stayed】 in my grandparents' 【home】, I did lots of things.【And】there 【was】 something 【which】makes me very happy .Let me show you about 【it】!
In the evening of 【this】New Year's Day,my grandpa lit up a fire!The fire was very 【bright】,very strong and very warm!We all stood beside the fire and we felt very happy.
After that,we were all tired and hungry.So we go back to the【house】.To our surprise,there were many plates of dumplings on the table.They were made by my grandma.They are delicious and we eat them happily!
What a nice day! 【As the time goes by,I will never forget those unforgetable time.】

基本上改了改语法错误,同学你这是在线翻译出来的吧,除了语法错误,建议改改结构,最好只专注写篝火这一件事,详细写当时的场面和自己的想法,第二段几乎可以省去的。
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2014-02-07 · 超过10用户采纳过TA的回答
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best-most thing-day is-was makes-made go-went are-were eat-ate is-was always be调换位置(可以吗?)
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Monster_zzzl
2014-02-07
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visited,there are something,so we went back, they were delicious ,we ate them
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