Question

求助!请问我这篇雅思作文能拿几分啊?学霸们帮帮忙，感激不尽

In current society, earning a
foreign language is indeed important to the development of children's ability. The
issue of whether children should learn foreign language in primary school has
much debate. I will examine whether they should learn in the primary school or
secondary school in this essay.
Recently, research shoes the best
stage to learn a foreign language is between 4 years old and 12 years old, but
no more than 14 years old. If their precious time occupied with learning other subjects,
they will have to do much more to learn a foreign language when they become adults.
Otherwise, as we all know that learning a foreign language is a long term
process. People have to use the language in reality as they learn. Consequently,
it is a good starting point that learns a foreign language at the formative
years of the child.
On the other hand, some people
argue that children lack the capacity to distinguish between right approach and
wrong approach to learn a foreign language. If they are studied in the wrong
way, they will lose their interest in learning and it is hard to further their
study. In contrast, secondary school students have enough ability to seek a
method that suitable for them.
In my opinion, children should be given
proper guidance to learn a foreign language in primary school. Meanwhile, primary
school have a duty to enhance the development of children’s learning skills. The
best teacher for the children is their interest, so it is important to
stimulate their potential.
题目：是该在小学学外语还是在初中学？说出优缺点并给出你的观点
语法比较薄弱，求各位学霸烤鸭指点哈，快考试了，求支招儿 谢谢~~

Answer 1

1，society 不能用 current 修饰，应该用modern；
2，学习外语不能用earning，直接用learning；
3， the development of children's ability 中式英语换成 the children‘s development;
4, 该在哪里学外语不是一个“issue” issue 是problem 的近义词；
5，I will examine whether they should learn in the primary school or
secondary school in this essay. 这句重复了上句；
第二段（中心句呢？一上来就举例？）
6， shoes？？
7， 4 years old and 12 years old 换成 4 and 12 years old 最好不要写阿拉伯数字；
8，their 指代不清，前面一句没有出现某群人，唯一疑似某群人的点是（research）；
9， as we all know that，不合适用在雅思上；
10，你把中心句放在段落末尾了！
第三段
11，distinguish between right approach and wrong approach to learn a foreign language 中英文再现，可以改成 distinguish the right approaches from the wrong ones of learning a foreign language；
12, they 指代不是特别清楚，有可能是上句的some people 也可能是children，建议改成These children；（小问题）；
13， are studied 为什么用被动？they是study的执行者 不是承受者，换成study；
14，the wrong way 换成a wrong way，前者会让人觉得错误的方法只有一种；
15，learning是及物动词，不能单独使用，换成studying；
16，In contrast 后你说 中学能够找到合适的路子，但是你前面没有说，小学生容易误入歧途，这个对比的关系是不存在的；
17， 这段你讨论的是小孩误入歧途会失去兴趣，但是完全没提小学，这样没有逻辑会让人不解的，不信你把这段翻译成中文，你也不知道在说什么的。
18，primary school have a duty to enhance the development of children’s learning skills 不要用一般现在时，我觉得should take the responsibility to xxx 才是lz想要表达的意思吧；
19The best teacher for the children is their interest语法没错，表达太中式了！

综上，lz的得分应该在5-5.5如果第二段 北判成离题 甚至会到4.5，不过小作文发挥正常，拉一把，即使被判成4.5 ，应该总分 5－5.5是没有问题的，但是我没楼上那么乐观，lz有潜力得6，但是这篇离6还很远。

Answer 2

倒数第二段语态不准确吧。这篇总体还行 应该是看了雅思作文五段式的，保守估计是6分的作文