Question

请高手帮我改改雅思作文。 主要是语法方面。 谢谢。

Task:
Nowadays , some work places tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers . Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

In my opinion , the trend to hire equal numbers of male and female workers is quite positive .
First of all . The majority of women are as capable as men in normal circumstances hence the society will be enhanced on account of lots of excellent women workers are participating in social competition . For instance . Mothers seldom went to work in the old days of China but now they do . Those powerful women have been taking care of lots of tiny things which had been ignoring by insensitive man for a significantly long time . Companies functions well because of this .
The second . Hiring equal figures of work stuffs of both sex can effectively improve social status of women in China which will be a vital improvement for Chinese society . For example , most of women had no job and no income as well ten years ago in China and that was a main limitation which kept women out of making essential contributions to the nation and then led to have a lower status . The situation is much more different from the past . Nowadays , women are making contributions and bringing profits to society as well and their social status are dramatically changed subsequently
All in all . Giving equal chances to both male and female is a great phenomenon . At least it would make a big difference in China .

Answer 1

Task:
Nowadays, some work places tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or (a) negative development?

In my opinion, the trend to hire equal numbers of male and female workers (are) quite positive. First of all(, the) majority of women are as capable as men in normal circumstances(,) hence the society will be enhanced on account of (many) excellent women workers (that participates) in social (competitions). [1]

For instance(, housewives) seldom went to work in the old days of China but now they do. Those powerful women have been taking care of (many) tiny things which had been (ignored) by insensitive (men) for a significantly long time. Companies (function) well because of this.

(Secondly, hiring the) equal figures of (work)[2] (for) both (genders) can effectively improve (the) social status of women in China which (can) be a vital improvement for (the) Chinese society. For example, (ten years ago in China) most women had no job and no income(, this had been) the main limitation[3] (that kept) women (from) making essential contributions to the nation, (leading them to have a lower social status). [4]
The situation (now) is much more different from the past. Nowadays, women are making contributions (as well as) bringing profits to (the) society. Their social status (have changed dramatically and subsequently.)
All in all(, giving) equal chances to both male and female is a great phenomenon. (It would at least) make a big difference (to) China.

1. What do you mean by 'social competition'? Do you mean 'competition in social status or social society? 'Social competition on what?' Please define. Who is participating the competition? The women or the society?
2. What do you mean by 'figures of work stuffs'? What is 'work stuffs'? 'Working skills?' 'Working abilities?' What is it? You need to describe this more.
3. You could've said that 'No job & no income had limited women from making essential contribuations' would be more clear.
4. Who is having a lower status? The women or the nation? What kind of status? The social status of women or the working status of women? Don't hesitate to be more clear.

写英语作文的提示： 句子写得越短越好，比较没有那麼容易出错。

Answer 2

Task:
Nowadays , some work places tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers . Do you think it is a positive or (a) negative (progress)?

In my opinion , the trend to hire equal numbers of male and female workers is quite positive .
First of all (,the) majority of women are as capable as men in normal circumstances hence the society will be enhanced on account (that) lots of excellent women workers are participating in social competition . For instance (,housewives) seldom went to work in the old days of China but now they do . Those powerful women have been taking care of lots of tiny things which had been (ignored) by insensitive man for a (considerablly) long time . Companies (function) well because of this .
The second (, hiring) equal figures of work stuffs of both (genders) can effectively improve social status of women in China which will be a vital improvement for (China) society . For example , most of women had no job and no income as well ten years ago in China and that was a main (limit) which kept women out of making essential contributions to the nation and then led to (x) a lower status . The situation is much more different from the past . Nowadays , women are making contributions and bringing profits to society as well and their social status (is) dramatically changed subsequently
All in all (, giving) equal chances to both male and female is a great phenomenon . At least it would make a big difference in China .

感觉有些搭配用的有些怪，建议多看些原汁原味的文章

Answer 3

line 5: had been ignored by...
line 6: Companies function well...
line 8: For example, ten years ago, most women had neither jobs nor income...
大致看了下，不知道你的目标分是多少，所以没有做太大改动，只挑了某些明显的小错。