Question

我有几篇雅思作文想请你帮我批改一下 马上就要考了 有点紧张 可以的话 我给你们发邮件 分照给的

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

In the rencent years , as working began to play an increasing role in people's daily life ,individuals paid more attention to the job satisfaction. It has become a topic that cannot be ignored by the employers. Either of the person's or the company's wellbeing is hard to reach without the job satisfaction. In other words ,it is an basic thing to build a harmonious company.

So how can we get close to job satisfaction since it is such an essential thing? To start with ,we shall find out the factors it contains. The first factor should be the environment. Because it has a great influence in both of the workers' physical and psychological health. It has been proved that workers may feel more comfortable and peaceful when working in a bright and clean surrounding. A better environment leads to a more efficient work.In contrast, if the workers feel not unsatisfied with their workplace they will get tired and bored much more easily. Then comes to another factor—competition. As we live in the mordern society the pace of our life is much faster than before, most of the adults are suffering from different kinds of pressures.The pressure from working account for a large part.Persons who always work in a intense competitive situation are more likely to get sick and get old. Finally, I guess, another important factor is the salary. There is no doubt that salary is the main purpose for most of the workers in China. As a result ,how much people are paid influences their emotion directly.

From what is written above, job satisfaction can make a harmonious company and even a harmonious society. The expectation for all the workers of job satisfaction reflects the needs of the wokers, so it is an important data for employers to create a suitable workplace. Though it is impossible to satisfy everyone , satisfy the most at least.
感谢一楼
不知道除了句子和语法的问题
正题上还有什么问题么？
大概能得几分呢？

Answer 1

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at(on) work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of jobs(用复数) (删去satisfaction) for all workers?

In the rencent years , as working began to play an increasing （important） role in people's daily life ,individuals paid more attention to the job satisfaction. It has become a topic that cannot be ignored by the employers. Either of the person's or the company's well being(分开写，名词) is hard to reach（achieve取得......成果） without the job satisfaction. In other words ,it is an basic(改为essential) thing to build a harmonious company (environment).

So how can we get close to job satisfaction since it is such an essential thing? To start with ,we shall find out the factors it contains. The first factor should be the environment. Because it has a great influence in(改为on) both of the workers' physical and psychological health. It has been proved that workers may feel more comfortable and peaceful when working in a bright and clean surrounding. A better environment leads to a more efficient work (effect).In contrast, if the workers feel not(后面有un-，前面就不用not) unsatisfied with their workplace they will get tired and bored much more easily. Then comes to another factor—competition. As we live in the mordern society the pace of our life is much faster than before, most of the adults are suffering from different kinds of pressures.The pressure from working account（应用第三人称单数accounts） for a large part.Persons who always work in a（应用an） intense（后面有形容词相近的，之间又没有逗号隔开，所以改为副词会比较适合intensely） competitive situation are more likely to get sick and get old. Finally, I guess, another important factor is the salary. There is no doubt that salary is the main purpose（tiger） for most of the workers in China. As a result ,how much people are paid influences their emotion directly.

From what is written above, job satisfaction can make(意思有点不明确，制造？make a great contribution tog更好) a harmonious company and even（继而then ） a harmonious society. The expectation for(from) all the workers of job satisfaction reflects the needs of the wokers, so it is an important data(foundation) for employers to create a suitable workplace. Though it is impossible to satisfy everyone , satisfy the most at least.

Answer 2

推荐你到新东方批改网提交一下，都是外教批改的
我考试之前用过，还不错
给的分也比较合理

Answer 3

去新东方批改网 专门在线批改作文的