Question

雅思作文求批改打分

Nowadays ,with the development of economy,more and more charity organizations are dounded,not only in developed countries but also in developing ones .People hold different opinions to the question of where the money should go.there is no concensus on how to deal with it.
Some people may argue that charity organizations should concentrate on their own country ,for even in developed countries,problems such as unemployment,financial burden or poverty exists,which are also some problems puzzled the whole world .These people may ask that what if their own country's charity organizations focus on the other counties,how their own problems being solved?Another point they noted is that charity money are always coming from the hard work of their publicans.Those money should spend on their own nation.
However ,some others believe that aids provided by charity organizations should be given to people in great needwherever they live.Compared with those who live in the rich west,poorer un developed areas need the aidsfrom charity organizations more,for even a small amount of money is poured in ,they will play a vital role in improving the living standard of the poor ones,such as eliminating starving,giving medical care or decreasing illiterate rates.But if the same amount of money is given to developed countyies such as America or UN,the role they play would be less effective.
In my viewpiont,charity money should given towhoever need it no matter where they live .
Only by this,the charity organizaton can use their money effectively and fully play their role.And all people should be equally treated and helped ,regardless of their nationnality.

Answer 1

(Of these issues)？-what issues? its incomplete
that have sparked public interests, the topic about where elder people (should) live, a caring house or their own family with children is one of the most prominent (matter). In this text, I’m a proponent of the opinion that living in a caring house is much more beneficial for old (people). In this essay, I’m going to list three reasons to back up my point.

(Theoretically) speaking, a caring house is of great (merit). (Workers) such as (nurses) and doctors () are (professionally skilled), by (receiving) sensitive guides, the (elders) can live a better life (whereas) their children could focus on their own (businesses). Notably, there is no dearth of (producing) examples in this regard(,) America is a conspicuous one(,) since (there is) a large mount of caring houses, (numerous) young people tend to send their parents to there , which (reduces family obligations to )a lot of young people.
(At the same time, the parents who have a balanced diet and do exercises regularly enjoy a stably health life.)- i do not understand the point of this sentence in this article
Apart from the physical benefits, caring house exert positive effects on old people’s psychology. Owing to caring houses, old person could have a private place to communicate together, to recall together , to share life experience together, upgrading their sense of happiness.

Admittedly, many people ()especially (the) experts, point out that leaving elder people (in) a caring house is harmful to the family’s relationship. Nevertheless, if we take a closer look() we will find that it is rewarding.- what is rewarding? i do not get it

Rather speaking,-what is rather speaking? better change it
leaving elders alone at home (would) just make them more helpless.
To recap,- ？
I’m in favor of （the）argument that living in a caring house could reap golden chance to receive superb old-ages.

楼主英文结构很特殊，用词需要注意，有很多地方因为用词错误我都不知道是想要表达什么。有些句子不完整，没有把意思表达清楚，而且不要一开头就用一个字开始（eg admittedly）

Answer 2

你可以去搜“新东方批改网”，这个是提供专业批改服务~反正页面很精美，价格也……唉，如果不是打折期去批改的话，就心痛死人了……不过毕竟是外教，质量很不错，如果你基础不太好，语法错误比较多，那就找这里批改。但是你在网上和这些外教交流提问的时候也得用英文，憋死我了T T 他们有三个级别的批改标准，楼主斟酌吧~

最后祝楼主好运！