Question

英语高手速速来。速度速度。

帮我翻译一下译成英文。辛苦。
以下正文：

今天我给大家带来两则冷笑话。
第一个。从前有一块蛋糕在森林里迷路了是谁鼓励它出来的。答案是猪因为猪鼓励蛋糕。
第二个。从前一个人抓了一只章鱼，章鱼说：你不要把我烤来吃啊，人说：我考你一个问题如果你答对了我就放了你，章鱼很开心的对人说：好啊，你考吧你考吧。于是那个人就把章鱼烤了。

以上内容。
正确率一定要很高。我课前演讲。

Answer 1

Today I bring you two are cold jokes.
The first. Once there was a piece of cake was lost in the forest is who encourage it out. The answer is pig because pig encourage cake.
The second. Once a man caught a octopus, octopus say: you don't put me roast to eat, o man said: I test you a question if you got the right answer I'll let you off, the octopus very happy to say: good, you take an examination of you take an examination of. So the man put octopus roast.

Answer 2

这个是典型的中文笑话。尤其第二个是利用中文谐音，烤 考 可是英文roast 和test 达不到中文的效果。
如果你硬翻，原文的意思会流失很多。拿下面两个译文说，你讲给老外听 他们能明白其中的笑点吗？我建议你找原汁原味的英文笑话。
我给你一个,你蛮看看吧。
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman on a bench,passiontely kissing.
"Why don't you do that?"said the wife.
"Honey,"replied her husband,"I don't know that woman!"

Answer 3

There once was a piece of cake who lost in the forest is encouraging it out. The answer is the pig encourage the cake.////////////A man caught an octopus, Octopus said : please don't eating my roast , People said I get you a question if you answer it right i'll let you go. Octopus very happy and say : well, please test your exam. So that the people roasted octopus.