英语爆笑笑话,短篇的，有中文翻译，没翻译不给分
3个回答
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He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩
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Who is the laziest
Father：well，jack，I talked with your teacher today.And now I want to ask you a question , who is the laziest person in your class?
Jack: I dont know , father.
Father: Oh, think ! When other boys and girls are reading and writing , who sits quiely and only watches how other people work?
Jack:Our teather , father .
谁是最懒的
父亲：杰克，我今天跟你老师谈话了。现在我想问你一个问题，谁是你们班最懒的人？
杰克：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：哦，你想想。当其他孩子们都在读和写的时候，谁安静的坐在那儿仅看其他人怎样读写呢？
杰克：我们的老师，爸爸。
He is really somebod 他真是个大人物
--My uncle has 1000 men under him.我叔叔下面有1000人。
--He is really somebody.What does he do?他真是个大人物。他是做什么的？
--A maintenance man in a cemetery.墓地守墓人。
MONEY AND FRIENDS
A: Which do you find more important , money or friends?
B: Friends , of course.
A: Way?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.
金钱和朋友
A：你发现金钱和朋友哪个更重要？
B：当然是朋友了。
A：为什么？
B：我能一直从朋友那儿借钱。
Bad news and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well , might as well giveme the bad news first.
Doctor:The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24HOURS!That ' s terrible!WHAT could be WORSE? What ' s the very bad news?
Doctor: I ' ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
医生：我有不好的消息和非常不好的消息。
病人：那么，你最好先说那个不好的消息。
医生：你的化验结果出来了，你还能活24个小时。
病人：24小时！那太可怕了！那更糟的又是什么呢？非常不好的消息是什么？
医生：自从昨天我就一直想告诉你。
Teacher：Ellen, give me a sentence starting with " I "
Ellen: I is...
Teacher：No,Ellen.Always say , "I am ."
Ellen:All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
老师：埃伦，给我用“I”开头造个句子。
埃伦：“I”是……
老师：不，埃伦，总是要说“I am”。
埃伦：知道了。我是字母表里的第九个字母。
Teacher：Desmond , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother' s.Did you copy his?
Desmond: No,teacher,it's the same dog!
老师：德斯蒙德，你的作文关于“我的狗”和你哥哥写的一模一样。你抄袭他的吗、
德斯蒙德：不，老师，是同一条狗。
Teacher：What do you call a person sho keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil:A teacher.
老师：一个人总是在谈论别人不再感兴趣的话题，你怎么称呼他？
学生：老师。
A big-head boy
Aboy cried to his mother,"All the children make fun of me.They say I have a bighead." "Don't
listen to them,"his mother said,"You have a beautiful head . Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of potatoes." "Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one----use your hat."
大头娃娃
一个小男孩向他的母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。”“别听他们的，”母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买20磅土豆来。”“购物袋在哪儿？”“没购物袋了——就用你的帽子吧。”
Synonym
One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother，“mom，what is a synonym？”
“what？you even don’t know what a synonym is？how foolish you are. when I describe you as foolish，I mean you’re silly，stupid。now you know what a synonym is？”
“yes，a synonym is using bad language。”the child concluded。
同义词
一天，一个10岁的孩子问母亲：“妈，什么是同义词？”
“你说什么？你竟然连同义词都不懂！真是个笨蛋。我说你是个笨蛋，就是说你是个傻瓜，是个蠢货。你现在明白同义词的意思了吗？”
“明白了。同义词就是骂人。”
the fish net
"can you tell me what fish net is made of , Ann?" a teacher asks.
"a lot of little holes tied together with strings." replies the little girl.
渔网
老师问道：“安，你能告诉我渔网是用什么做的吗？”
小女孩回答道：“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成渔网了。”
late again
teacher：why are you late for school again？
student：I stopped a fight between two boys，sir。
teacher：well down 。how did you do that？
student：I kicked both of them，sir。
又迟到了
老师：为什么你又迟到了？
学生：老师，我阻止了两个男孩打架。
老师：做得好。你是怎样阻止他们的？
学生：老师，我踢了他们一人一脚。
A geography teacher tells her class，“the moon is so large that several million people could live there 。”
one boy starts laughing,''it must getcrowded when it's a crescent moon''.
一位地理老师告诉他的学生：“月亮很大，上面可以容纳几百万人在那儿居住。”
一个小男孩笑了：“当月亮变成月牙时，住在上面的人该多拥挤呀！”
Father：well，jack，I talked with your teacher today.And now I want to ask you a question , who is the laziest person in your class?
Jack: I dont know , father.
Father: Oh, think ! When other boys and girls are reading and writing , who sits quiely and only watches how other people work?
Jack:Our teather , father .
谁是最懒的
父亲：杰克，我今天跟你老师谈话了。现在我想问你一个问题，谁是你们班最懒的人？
杰克：我不知道，爸爸。
父亲：哦，你想想。当其他孩子们都在读和写的时候，谁安静的坐在那儿仅看其他人怎样读写呢？
杰克：我们的老师，爸爸。
He is really somebod 他真是个大人物
--My uncle has 1000 men under him.我叔叔下面有1000人。
--He is really somebody.What does he do?他真是个大人物。他是做什么的？
--A maintenance man in a cemetery.墓地守墓人。
MONEY AND FRIENDS
A: Which do you find more important , money or friends?
B: Friends , of course.
A: Way?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.
金钱和朋友
A：你发现金钱和朋友哪个更重要？
B：当然是朋友了。
A：为什么？
B：我能一直从朋友那儿借钱。
Bad news and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well , might as well giveme the bad news first.
Doctor:The lab called with your test results.They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24HOURS!That ' s terrible!WHAT could be WORSE? What ' s the very bad news?
Doctor: I ' ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
医生：我有不好的消息和非常不好的消息。
病人：那么，你最好先说那个不好的消息。
医生：你的化验结果出来了，你还能活24个小时。
病人：24小时！那太可怕了！那更糟的又是什么呢？非常不好的消息是什么？
医生：自从昨天我就一直想告诉你。
Teacher：Ellen, give me a sentence starting with " I "
Ellen: I is...
Teacher：No,Ellen.Always say , "I am ."
Ellen:All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
老师：埃伦，给我用“I”开头造个句子。
埃伦：“I”是……
老师：不，埃伦，总是要说“I am”。
埃伦：知道了。我是字母表里的第九个字母。
Teacher：Desmond , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother' s.Did you copy his?
Desmond: No,teacher,it's the same dog!
老师：德斯蒙德，你的作文关于“我的狗”和你哥哥写的一模一样。你抄袭他的吗、
德斯蒙德：不，老师，是同一条狗。
Teacher：What do you call a person sho keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil:A teacher.
老师：一个人总是在谈论别人不再感兴趣的话题，你怎么称呼他？
学生：老师。
A big-head boy
Aboy cried to his mother,"All the children make fun of me.They say I have a bighead." "Don't
listen to them,"his mother said,"You have a beautiful head . Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of potatoes." "Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one----use your hat."
大头娃娃
一个小男孩向他的母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。”“别听他们的，”母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买20磅土豆来。”“购物袋在哪儿？”“没购物袋了——就用你的帽子吧。”
Synonym
One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother，“mom，what is a synonym？”
“what？you even don’t know what a synonym is？how foolish you are. when I describe you as foolish，I mean you’re silly，stupid。now you know what a synonym is？”
“yes，a synonym is using bad language。”the child concluded。
同义词
一天，一个10岁的孩子问母亲：“妈，什么是同义词？”
“你说什么？你竟然连同义词都不懂！真是个笨蛋。我说你是个笨蛋，就是说你是个傻瓜，是个蠢货。你现在明白同义词的意思了吗？”
“明白了。同义词就是骂人。”
the fish net
"can you tell me what fish net is made of , Ann?" a teacher asks.
"a lot of little holes tied together with strings." replies the little girl.
渔网
老师问道：“安，你能告诉我渔网是用什么做的吗？”
小女孩回答道：“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成渔网了。”
late again
teacher：why are you late for school again？
student：I stopped a fight between two boys，sir。
teacher：well down 。how did you do that？
student：I kicked both of them，sir。
又迟到了
老师：为什么你又迟到了？
学生：老师，我阻止了两个男孩打架。
老师：做得好。你是怎样阻止他们的？
学生：老师，我踢了他们一人一脚。
A geography teacher tells her class，“the moon is so large that several million people could live there 。”
one boy starts laughing,''it must getcrowded when it's a crescent moon''.
一位地理老师告诉他的学生：“月亮很大，上面可以容纳几百万人在那儿居住。”
一个小男孩笑了：“当月亮变成月牙时，住在上面的人该多拥挤呀！”
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