Question

求一篇英语的讲演稿，要求三分钟，最好是简单点，有点幽默

Answer 1

1
What's All the Screaming About?

Once a music teacher took her class to their first grand
opera. The lights began to dim, the conductor began
waving his baton, and the soprano started singing.
After a while, one of the students asked the teacher,
"Why does the conductor keep waving his stick at the
woman? What has she done? So the teacher said, "Oh,
don't worry. It's just the way it is. He won't hit her!
Don't worry. And so the student asked, "Then why
is she screaming like that?"

为何尖叫
一位音乐老师带学生去欣赏一流的大型歌剧。当灯光暗下来之
后，歌剧指挥开始挥动他的指挥棒，女高音的歌声随之响起。
过了一会儿，一位学生问老师：「为什么指挥先生一直朝那位
女士挥棒子呢？她做错了什么事吗？」老师回答：「噢！不要
担心，歌剧的演唱方式就是这样，他不会打她的，你不要担心。
」学生又问：「那为什么她要这样大声尖叫呢？」

2
Fake Money
Jimmy went into a shop, took a toy tank, gave the
shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.
So, the shopkeeper told him, “Excuse me, little boy,
this isn’t real money.” Little Jimmy didn’t reply,
continuing walking out of the shop. The shopkeeper
repeated himself, and Jimmy kept walking.
The third time the shopkeeper called him, “I’m sorry,
young man, but this is not real money.”
Jimmy looked at the tank in his hands, looked at the
shopkeeper and finally said, “And this isn’t a real tank, either.”

假钱
吉米进了一家商店，拿了一个玩具坦克，给了店主假钱就走了
。于是店主告诉他：“对不起，小孩，这不是真钱。”
小吉米没有回答，继续往外走。店主重复自己的话，但吉米继续走。
第三次店主叫住他：“对不起，年轻人，这不是真钱。”
吉米看着手里的坦克，又看着店主最后说：可这也不是真坦克呀。”
好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
你可以任意选一个

追问

我想要的是自己写的某个话题，而不是去用英文讲一个中文的小幽默，太冷了。

追答

Love Your Mother
爱你的母亲
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
"I don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他说
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,
他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"
GOD answered......
上帝回答:
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"当我创造女人时,
我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...
I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,
并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,
甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,
她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....

She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．
Love your Mother Always
永远爱你的母亲，
and keep her Smiling
并且使她微笑常在

Answer 2

Good News and Bad News
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....

好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布： “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”