Question

雅思作文批改 剑四test4小作文 (高分求修改)

剑四test4小作文

The information in the first line graph represents the visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the accompanying bar chart shows some popular countries which were for UK residents to visit at the same time.
Consistent with the data in the first graph, the quantity of the people who were likely to visit the UK has increased slightly during the years of 1979 and 1986, from 10 millions to about 13 millions. Meanwhile, visiting abroad by UK residents followed the same trend as people who traveled to England, rising gradually from 12 millions to 20 millions at the same time. From 1986 onwards, they all began to increase dramatically; especially UK residents visited abroad which is peaking at 53 million in 1999 while the people who were coming to travel in the UK rose from 13 million to approximately 30 millions until 1999.
When study the associated bar chart, we can easily find the most popular countries visited by UK residents 1999, like some European countries of France, Spain and Greece. Also some other countries of American and Turkey .According to the bar chart, France by far the most popular country that UK residents choose to travel, which takes up more than 10 millions. Then Spain comes the second country for UK residents to visit, which is little less than that for France. Somewhat surprising however, UK residents traveled to USA, Greece and Turkey recorded here as relatively low in the same chart, they are 4 millions ,3 millions and 2 millions.

Answer 1

line graph -- curve graph/diagram
represents(代表，是有象征性的) -- shows/demonstrates
accompanying 去掉
some popular countries UK residents visit at the same time
during the years of 1979 and 1986 -- from ... to ...
increased slightly from 10 millions to about 13 millions during ...
by UK residents 去掉
as people who traveled to England -- while/and
gradually -- steadily
from 12 millions to 20 millions at the same time -- 去掉at the same time：前面已经有Meanwhile
UK residents visited abroad -- visiting
which is peaking at -- peak at
who were coming to travel -- coming to travel
30 millions -- 30 million
until 1999 -- in ;or you can say: rose from 13 million until 1999(approximately 30 millions).
When study --studying/looking into/analysing
visited by UK residents 1999 -- 尽量不用被动
some European countries of France -- such as/like/eg...
of American and Turkey -- like
France by far the most popular -- is
choose to travel -- choose to travel in/choose/go to
comes the second country for UK residents to visit -- comes the second; " for UK residents to visit "删掉
which is little less -- a little
than that for France -- than those going to France
Somewhat surprising -- Somewhat surprisingly
traveled -- ing
recorded here as relatively low in the same chart -- are ... the lowest... in the chart
they are -- namely/that is/viz