Question

请好心人，帮忙修改雅思作文，纠正语法错误，最好能给个分。感谢万分！

Some people say politicians promote the development of society. However, others believe that it is scientists who have more influence on the world. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
A
There are many political issues and scientific researches published in both local and international newspapers. Politicians and scientists always have strong influence on people and their lives. Recently, whether politicians or scientists have more impact on the world has become a popular topic in public. In this essay, both views will be discussed. Personally, I believe a good cooperation between politicians and scientists can make a brighten world.
It is undeniable that politicians have been playing a crucial role on the development of society. Their political strategies have always been being important to public. For example, during the recent financial recession, the Chinese politicians used the governmental power and did the macroeconomic control through the Reserve Bank to combat the downturn of the global economy. In addition, politicians have tremendous influence on the quality of people’s life. The decision of financial budgets for basic infrastructures and Medicare of citizens, are cases in point. Therefore, good politicians can develop a better society multidimensionally.
On the other hand, the fact that the development of the world cannot leave scientists is undoubted. As we all know, new advanced technology has brought people numerous benefits. Technology has great impact on both global economy and the living standard of human beings. The advancement of machinery and automation has made people’s life more convenient and has increased enormous physical labour force that can replace human beings. The progress of transportation is another case in point. Furthermore, scientists can also help people fight diseases. The well known anti-HIV ‘Cocktail’ therapy could be another fine example that illustrates how scientists are important to the world.
In conclusion, the efforts from politicians and scientists are both very vital to the world. A better integration of both parties is especially significant for the future development of society.

Answer 1

Recently, who have more impact on the world between politicians and scientists has became a popular topic in public. Some people say politicians promote the development of society. However, others believe that it is scientists who have more influence on the world. Different people have different views .As far as I am concered , a good cooperation between politicians and scientists make a brighten world.
It was undeniable that politicians have been playing a vital role in development of society. Their political strategies is important to public all the time . For example, during the recent financial recession, the Chinese politicians used the governmental power and did the macroeconomic control through the Reserve Bank to combat the downturn of the global economy. In addition, politicians have tremendous influence on the quality of people’s life. The decision of financial budgets for basic infrastructures and Medicare of citizens, are cases in point. Therefore, good politicians can develop a better society multidimensionally.
On the other hand, the fact that the development of the world cannot leave scientists is undoubted. As we all know, new advanced technology has brought people numerous benefits. Technology has great impact on both global economy and the living standard of human beings. The advancement of machinery and automation has made people’s life more convenient and has increased enormous physical labour force that can replace human beings. The progress of transportation is another case in point. Furthermore, scientists can also help people fight diseases. The well known anti-HIV ‘Cocktail’ therapy could be another fine example that illustrates how scientists are important to the world.
In conclusion, the efforts from politicians and scientists are both very vital to the world. A better integration of both parties is especially significant for the future development of society.
语法基本没错。只是要注意逻辑性，让人知道你思路是很清晰的 。这就要注意分段和一些连接词（如：on the one hand , on the other hand , furthermore, however .all in all 等等）的使用了，还有就是要注意每段的第一句话，要概括性，文章里也可以加入俗语等，可以起到画龙点睛的作用，会让人眼前一亮哦

Answer 2

In this essay, both views will be discussed.删除，多余~
brighten修饰错误，换成better就好~
on the development of society. 换成in~
did the macroeconomic control ，改成make the economica under control就好，这句话的逻辑是不正确的，是政府，不是政客使经济复苏~
new advanced technology has brought people numerous benefits. Technology has great impact on both global economy and the living standard of human beings. 把new删去，这个词和advance重复，另外这两句话你来回的说了一圈儿，删掉一句最好。
has increased enormous physical labour force that can replace human beings.改为saved enormous labor force.你的句子是不正确的。saved这个词体现出好的一面，你的replace比较中性，但偏向贬义。
cases in point 重复使用，注意你的第三段，基本都是以the 开头，另外句式结构比较单一，切忌重复~

追问

老师，第三段，能帮忙在改改么，就是我想不太出如何不重复，老师能帮我改改句型么？

追答

Although politican indeed do great feasts to our life,we cannot deny the fact that the scientists play a vital role in the advancement of human civilization. Obviously, newborn technology has benefit us a lot from economy to living standard. And it's also true to the manufacturing industry which has free enormous labor force especially the high-risk industry. At the same time, medical teachnology is another ecouraging case. They decode the mysteries in our body, reval us a bright future and a hope to live "forever".
比较忙，难免有出错的地方，多多包含~
另外，你自己做阅读的时候看看文章的句型和结构式怎么发展的，多练习就好~

Answer 3

make a brighten world错误，brighten为动词，这里要改为形容词；
play a role on the development介词错误，应为in；
have been being important结构错误，去掉being，直接用现在完成时。have been doing为现在完成进行时，指一直在进行的动作或延续性的状态。动词be不用于这种时态；
are cases in point的主语为decision，主谓一致错误。根据意思，将decision改为复数比较合适；
the development of the world cannot leave scientists是很明显的汉式英语“世界的发展离不开科学家”，可以这样表示：the world cannot develop without scientists；
have an impact/influence/effect on中的冠词最好加上，或者给名词加上复数形式；
make people's life more convenient最好改为make life more convenient for people；
that illustrates how scientists are important to the world可以不要，有重复啰嗦之嫌；

追问

Their political strategies have always been being important to public. 改成 have always been doing important感觉怪怪的。。能在帮忙改改这句话么？

追答

哈哈，我没说到位，这句把being去掉就行了，直接说have been important。我刚才后面的解释说告诉你现在完成进行时的用法。

追问

如楼下的说法，请问老师能帮忙看看，第三段还能怎么改改不？就是避免句型单一性。。。不好意思，麻烦了。。

追答

作为写作训练，不要过于追求完美。首先要考虑能表达出来，其次考虑表达的地道和准确，再次考虑篇章的整体结构和布局，最后才考虑文采。如果你自己已经觉得哪些语句表达太过于单一，说明你已经具备了一定的判别能力，不妨自己改改。技巧之一就是化整为零，将某个句子单独处理，用不同的方法翻译。写作也不完全是写出来的，更多的是要诵读佼好的文章，形成语言的感觉和英语的思维。