Question

雅思作文求修改,剑5 test 4 大作文，希望高手指点，如何让才能达到7分水平。

In this time and age, one of the most pressing problems is that which reasons should be the main factor on our personality and development between our inherent characteristics (nature) and the experiences (nurture) we may get from society. Some people take the view that personal characteristics should be the major influence because people’s behaviors are often depends on their inner thinking or awareness. However, I convinced that what do more effect on us are the experiences.

It is the common knowledge that individual characteristics are usually developed with the environment around us since we were born into the society. With the words and deeds of our parents or teachers, we’re very likely to be influenced when we were children, it is the experiences we got in our childhood that gradually informed our inner quality, and that is to say, our inner characteristics come from the experiences of our lives. On the contrary, without the influence of our experiences we have got during the stage of our growth, we would not understand our personality and know about how to develop individual quality.

In the second place, the experiences we may have in our lives will beneficial for the development of ourselves in many aspects. There is no denying that everything is changing at an alarming rate in nowadays, especially like the advanced technology, the interpersonal relationship and so on, so, with these experiences around us, we ought to learn to alter ourselves in case of being out of date. Additionally, in order to get better development, we should attach more importance to the changing experiences which will make a great contribution to our future.

From what I mentioned above, you must agree with me that the experiences ought to be the major influence on individual personality and development.

Answer 1

第二第三段的开头要点出整段的Key。第一段废话太多。