Question

今天的雅思大作文，希望有经验的朋友能帮我看看可以考多少分。谢谢！另外想请问可以在哪请人帮看作文？

题目：
As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?
正文：
Nowadays, more and more people call on that businesses should also undertake the social responsibilities .However, some people insist that businesses should focus on achieving more benefits .It has become a heated topic these days.
According to me , I support that businesses should have social responsibilities . With the development of economics, more and more people start to care about social responsibilities .For them , businessmen make so much money from the society, businessmen should also do something helpful for the society in return . Also ,during the development of businesses , the environment is being polluted and the resource is decreasing .It needs businessmen to make up the loss of the society .So businesses should allocate part of the cost to take the social responsibilities .
However , some people stand on the opposite view . They believe that the purpose of businesses is making the largest benefits . If they consider of social responsibilities ,they have to undertake the loss .Moreover ,they think businessmen pay enough taxes to the government .So the government should serve for businesses and protect the society. I completely disagree with this kind of opinion .It’s an excuse that businessmen shirk the responsibility to the government .
As far as I’m concerned ,all walks of life should take the social responsibilities .In order to have a better society ,not only the government should make efforts, but also every professional field should provide necessary aid .In all , I insist that businesses should undertake the social responsibilities .
请各位老师、学霸和考鸭们帮忙~~~

Answer 1

（1）第二段开头的 According to me，没有这么用的，一般常说 As far as I am concerned 就我而言，或者说从我的角度讲 From my point of view，或者 In my opinion.

（2）最后一段中 not only the government should make efforts, 如果是not only放在句首，情态动词应该倒装，改为not only should the gov't make efforts.

（3）另外，总体来看，定语从句用的少，没有展现出来你对这个语法的掌握，也就没有得到相应知识点的分数，这个也有点可惜。

（4）还有就是关于“认为”的用词比较单一，文中常用think，believe，insist这种低级别词汇，最好适当换成一些高级别的用词，比如 I think that = I am convinced that = I am in fovour of the opinion(view) that 等。

（5）还有就是连接词用的有点少，即使用了也是 Also 这种低级别的用词，also可以换成 In addition，或者 Additionally ，或者 As well 等。

Answer 2

雅思7.5分选手，读完后估计得分在5.5左右，原因如下。
1.语法。如According to me，a heated topic these days. As far as I’m concerned
2.用词重复。如more and more
3.逻辑性。如With the development of economics, more and more people start to care about social responsibilities
4.连接词。如很多句子之间和段落之间你可以用词语链接起来。Firstly，moreover，furthermore，in addition，additionally，finally。Nevertheless，therefore，thus。
5.用词的准确性。如some people stand on the opposite view
6.字数
7.结构。结构不明显，逻辑较不清晰
8.词汇。词汇稍显匮乏，多处insist，
9.内容。几条arguments都没说服力和有力的evidence
However
你的fluency还不错，复杂句也没有很多，有可能拿到6分

Answer 3

le start to care about social responsibilities .For them , businessmen make so much money from the society, businessmen should also do something helpful for the society in return . Also ,during the development of businesses , the environment is being polluted and the resource is decreasing .It needs businessmen to make up the loss of the society .So businesses should allocate part of the cost to take the social responsibilities .
However , some people stand on the opposite view . They believe that the purpose of businesses is making the largest benefits . If they consider of social responsibilities ,they have to undertake the loss .Moreover ,they think businessmen pay enough taxes to the government .So the government should serve for businesses and protect the society. I completely disagree with this kind of opinion .It’s an excuse that businessmen shirk the responsibility to the government .
As far as I’m concerned ,all walks of life should take the social responsibilities .In order

Answer 4

Score:5.5
Throughout the whole composition, it seems that the writer was in a unstable attitude on account of his repetition in several sentences. Thus, deep description of one side is needed and it is not a wise choice to compare two attitudes. In my view, it would be better provided that you try to explain what these businesses will gain as well as what they give. What's more, as for dealing with examination-oriented composition, it is highly needed to use advanced sentences, like attribute clause, participal, etc. Meanwhile, a lot of grammar errors have appeared....What is of great significance is that you should try not to use some structure aroused high subjectivity, like i think, i support....

Answer 5

的法国队的