Question

研究生面试英语自我介绍，已完成，求修改！采用者另加50分！

如题，希望能改正：
1.错误的地方
2.不够生动的地方。习惯用法什么的。谢谢！
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Good morning, my respected professors! It is my honor to be here for your interview. First, let me introduce myself to you. My name is Zhangjing, 22 years old, I come from Luoyang city, it is a famous tourist city. I will finish my undergraduate education in Luoyang Institute of Technology this June. Now, I am doing my best to obtaining a chance to attend Nanjing University of Architecture and Technology.
In the past 4 years, most my time has been spent on study or campus activities. But I also used vacation time to some decorating companies doing internships. I am a hard working student especially do the thing I am interested in. I will try my best to finish it no matter how difficult it is. When I was sophomore, I found Environmental Art Design very interesting, so I learned it very hard. At that time，the main direction is doing something about the interior design. Such as commercial space, home decoration and so on.
As to my characters, I don’t want to use any beautiful word to praise myself. Just like my father, I strive to be an honest, upright and modest man. In my spare time, I like football, table tennis and Chinese chess. Also English songs and movies are my favorite.

‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get’. However, I always believe I should cherish my time, and sense any change for self-development, I tried to have a good prospect.
Diligence is the mother of success, Efficiency is the only way.

That is all for my self-introduction, Thank you for giving me this opportunity! Thank you!

Answer 1

Good morning, dear professor. I am honored to be here.

First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Zhangjing, 22 years old. I am from Luoyang, which is a famous tourist city. I am gonna finish my undergraduate education in Luoyang Institute of Technology in June. And now, I am trying my best to apply for Nanjing University of Architecture and Technology.

In the last 4 years in university, I spend most of my time on study and campus activities. And I also did several internships in some decorating companies during my vacation. I always work hard especially on things I am interested in. And I always try my best to finish no matter how hard it is. When I was a in my second year, I was interested in Environmental Art Design, and mainly doing the interior design, such as commercial space, home decoration and so on.

As to my personality, I am not used to praise myself by any beautiful word. I just strive to be an honest, upright and modest man like my father. I love to watch English movies and listen to some English songs in my spare time. And I also enjoy playing football, table tennis and Chinese chess with my friends.

There is a saying, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get’. However, I always believe that I should cherish my time, and sense any change for self-development, I tried to have a good prospect.
Diligence is the mother of success, Efficiency is the only way.

At last I just want to say that I really appreciate this opportunity! Thank you!

根据现有的内容，删了些多余的话还有不恰当的表达，改的简洁流畅了些，倒数第二段doesn't make sence出现得太唐突，can't see your point

Answer 2

Good morning, my respected professors! It is my honor to be here for the interview. My name is Zhangjing, 22 years old, I come from Luoyang city, which is a famous tourist city. I will finish my undergraduate education in Luoyang Institute of Technology this June. I am expecting a chance to attend Nanjing University of Architecture and Technology.
In the past 4 years, I have spent most of my time on study or campus activities. But during vacations, I go to some decorating companies doing internships. I am a hard working and determined student. I like to do things I am interested in and once I set up a goal, I will try every effort to achieve it no matter how difficult it is. When I was a sophomore, I found Environmental Art Design very interesting, so I learned it very hard. I devoted my time to doing something about the interior design, such as commercial space, home decoration and so on, from which I learned a lot.

As for my characters, I don’t want to use any beautiful words to praise myself. Just like my father, I strive to be an honest, upright and modest man. In my spare time, I like football, table tennis and Chinese chess. Also English songs and movies are my favorite.

‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get’. I always believe I should cherish my time, and sense any change for self-development, I have tried hard to have a good prospect. Diligence is the mother of success, Efficiency is the only way.

That is all. Thank you for giving me this opportunity! Thank you!

仔细看看我修改过的哈，改了一些比较中式的表达，还有一些语法小错误

Answer 3

第六行：most my time改为most of my time，紧接着" But I also used vacation time to some decorating companies doing internships."改为But I also interned during vocation in some decorating companies.
倒数第四行”sense any change“最好改为seize any chances。紧接着过去式应改为现在完成式：I have tried to……
总体还不错。
Good luck to you .Hope you will be successful.

Answer 4

Good morning, my dear professors! It is my honor to be here. First, let me introduce myself to you. My name is Zhangjing, and i am 22 years old, I come from Luoyang city,which is a famous tourist city. I will finish my undergraduate education in Luoyang Institute of Technology this June. Now,i really appreciate .it if i can coutinue my guaduate life in this school. and i will spare every effort to make my dream come true.
In the past 4 years, most of my time has been spent on study or campus activities. But I also used vacation time to some decorating companies doing internships. I am a hard working student especially do the thing I am interested in. I will try my best to finish it no matter how difficult it is. When I was sophomore, I found Environmental Art Design very interesting, so I learned it very hard. At that time，the main direction is doing something about the interior design. Such as commercial space, home decoration and so on.
As to my characters, I don’t want to use any beautiful word to praise myself. Just like my father, I strive to be an honest, upright and modest man. In my spare time, I like football, table tennis and Chinese chess. Also English songs and movies are my favorite.

‘Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get’. However, I always believe I should cherish my time, and sense any change for self-development, I tried to have a good prospect.
Diligence is the mother of success, Efficiency is the only way.

That is all for my self-introduction, Thank you for giving me this opportunity! Thank you!

Answer 5

第六行：most my time改为most of my time，紧接着" But I also used vacation time to some decorating companies doing internships."改为But I also interned during vocation in some decorating companies.