Question

帮忙看看研究生面试的英文自我介绍

Good morning, I am very glad to be here for this interview. My name is ***.22 years old. I come from **, a very beautiful city of *** province. I graduated from the *** University in July 2006.My major is journalism.

I like chatting on line and playing computer games. At the present I'm addicted to blogs and crazy about shopping online.I cannot imagine a world without Network, I am a fanatical fans for Network. I have a cravings for knowing the Network, Study it. This is why I come to choose this major. Generally, I am not a hardworking student .but when I’m interested in something, I’ll make all my efforts to do it.

I'm a interesting person, I have many hobbies,such as reading, swimming, internet, games etc. especially in such situations when I get stressed,I'm used to relax myself in this way

Ok, that is all, thank you for your attention.

Answer 1

首先，我是学英语的，所以自己觉得可以帮你看看。下面，提出我的几点看法。
第一，第一句话Good morning, I am very glad to be here for this interview.开头部分应该加上称呼，例如：Good morning teachers.然后，接着的这句话感觉有点抬高自己最好能用It is my gratitution to come here tohave the interview.
第二，At the present 应该是At present
第三，我个人感觉这个介绍应该再多一点，介绍一下大学时的你。这样就不至于你说完的 太快老师还觉得不够而尴尬。
这是我的几点意见，仅供参考。