Question

快发一篇关于责任的作文，500字到800字，还要有点评

Answer 1

What a Precious Gift——Friendship
We all treat water air and sunshine as the most important elements in our life, because we can’t live without them. But how about friendship? Do you have (去掉have) pay attention to it in the same degree? Without friendship we can not （连cannot)be real social man, especially for us,（去掉，）who are （were）born after 1980. Because selfishness, dependence and Jealousy have been the characters for(改为of) us who are the only child in the（改为each各自家庭的唯一孩子） family, we need to correct these defects and learn to assist the (去掉the)others in corporations（a corporation）, so friendship is very important not only for the emotional aspect but also for the personal（加career） development。（aspect删掉，重复）

Now please imagine that you arrived （加at，arrive是不及物动词，虚拟语气，这里用would arrive at）an unfamiliar place. You don’t know anyone, and everyone（everything） there seems unfriendly(unfamiliar) to you. You can’t do anything together with them, ask for help, and even talk with them. How would you feel? I think (去掉I think) you would (You might) hope your friends （to）appear immediately（副词修饰动词，放后面）. OK. Don’t be nervous. Now you are together with your friends here. What’s friendship in your heart? Maybe one thousand people can give me one thousand answers. But I think a friend is the person who walks in when the rest of world walks out. Sometimes in life, you can find a special friend: someone who changes your life just by being part of it; someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop; someone who you believe that there really is good in the world. This is friendship. When we feel happy, if we can share the happiness with our friends then the happiness will be double. When we feel sad, if we can share the dump with our friends then the dump will be reduced. When we feel lonely, if we can be with our friends then the loneliness will disappear.
I think you must know the story about Yu Boya and Zhong Ziqi. After Zhong Ziqi had died, Yu Boya thought he lost his soulmates, so that he broke his harp and never played harp in （the rest of余生，不是他的一生）his life.
Another story I want to share with you is my own story….
The real friendship often provides wider way for our personal development, and we can always get critical helps from our best friends. Obviously, one man has a narrower sight than several men. We would be considered when they encounter a better job from some medium which might be more suitable to us. We would be informed when they have an investment project. So we can grab more opportunities because of the care from our friends.

相当不错，除了一些标点，词汇的问题，语法上基本过关。