Question

求托福改作文 写了一篇TPO作文，麻烦哪位帮忙按照标准看一下：1，预估分数2，基本结构，3，细节改进4，如

得高分。题目：do you agree or disagree:At universities and colleges,sports and social activities are just as important classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support作文：Recently, there's a statement that sports and social activities are just as important as classs and libraries,so they should be supported as classes and libraries.
I partly agree with this advise. Sports and social activities are absolutely important.
Being studens,we should keep healthy bodies to deal with the hash tasks.Doing sports can keep us in a balance between a busy and relex life style.If we dont't do sports, we would put us into a hard life with a weak body.
Social activities are also important.We have seen so many people who don't know how to get on well with people.They only live where they live.We should do social activities to get experience.
However, are the classes and libraries not important?We study in the classes.We need a good environment to get our goals.If we study in a bad environment,I could't image we can study effciencly.
Espeacially, libraries need enough money to buy new books, to keep rooms clean and effcience borrowing system.
In my opinion, sports and social activities need money and financial support. But I don't think them need to be as important as classes and libraries.After all, studing is our first task.

Answer 1

首先你这篇文章的字数作为独立写作实在是太少了，一般独立写作是多多益善，大约350词左右，OG上要求是300以上，每个论点可以举些例子来扩充，这样内容会充实而且还形象

追问

我知道，这就是一个框架，但是要求文字有区别，应该在这个基础上怎么改进，而且要有思辨性，如果可以的话，写一下改进之后的范文，我加分

Answer 2

你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下。我已经体验了好几篇粗批作文了，感觉老是给批改的确实很好，还会提出改进建议。但是我由于是考GRE的AW，实在是对自己的作文水平没有信心。

Answer 3

逻辑性有待提高，数据引用过太少，16-18分已经很给你面子了，请楼主还是把完整文章发表出来我们这些末学们再改吧，现在也只是纸上谈兵说理论罢了！

Answer 4

海翔教育，提供GMAT+TOEFL+留学申请 全套解决方案！

Answer 5

ok