Question

拜托大家帮忙修改一下我的演讲稿～

这是我的演讲稿，要三分钟，内容貌似还不够全面、有说服力，希望大家帮帮忙哦～如果有演讲时的注意点就更好了～谢谢啊～
The power of smile
A smile is as tiny as a sand, while it may show you a new world.
A smile is as infirm as a daisy, while it may lighten the whole garden for you.
A smile is as peanut as a little drop of springwater, while it may water your eyes and illume your life.
This is the power of smile, which enables us to embrace our beautiful life.
We were well fascinated with Audrey Hepburn’s elegance and nobleness,with the charming and simplehearted expressions in her eyes.
Gradually, you may surprisingly find that the most beauteous thing is the pure smile on her face.
We were broken-hearted by Princess Diana’s misfortune.
When the whole world burst into tears for the passing of england's rose, people memorized her graceful smile and moving face when she was offering warm help to penniless children.
She let us realize that the most affecting expression is smile.
The beuaty of smile doesn’t lie in a simple act from eyes and mouth. It depends on the sincere passion to the world.
Have you ever experienced sadness? When it seems that the sunlight is faint and everything is likely to have been covered with thick snow. You feel tired and languid, lack of strength.
Just then, you see a pair of genuine eyes and a warm smile. The frozen ghyll seems to be awake again. There is some newborn burgeons on the treetops again. You know, the spring is approaching. You start to imagine the animation in the mountains , the bright color in the fields and the first breath of spring in the forests.
Finally, you smile, for the happy and gorgeous life.
You might also have gone through worries and predicaments. You are down and dispirited, just like standing in the boundless desert, and everything around you seems to be swallowed up by the sand and time. Just then, a friend places his hand on the shoulder of yours and gives you a comforting smile. All of a sudden, you spots a little green in the vast desert. In your pleasant surprise, you see an oasis!
Finally, you smile, thinking of the braveness and obstinacy of life.
Giving an encouraging smile, a considerate smile or a laudatory smile to others, they may respond with an equally nice expression, or there has already been a new hope in their heart.
How extrodinary is the power of smile? No one knows.
When the sun is shining, please smile to him, as he is giving you warm love.
When there is lightening, please smile to the sky, as he is snapping a photo for you.
Just smile! Use the most beautiful language in the world to gain a pair of wings for your soul to fly in our real life.

Answer 1

觉得第二行“lighten the whole garden for you”有点奇怪，改成“lighten your soul”好了。
赫本和戴安娜的例子最好往后放放，可以分别评论一句：赫本是纯洁的微笑，戴安娜是优雅和善良的微笑...“Gradually, you may surprisingly find”......我一点儿也不surprising，也不用Gradually才发现，直接说“but what impress us most is the pure smile on her face”就行了。
“Finally, you smile, for the happy and gorgeous life.” 直接以“smile,...”开始就行了，祈使句比较有力。你用的When 和there be 句型太多了！
不要用太多复杂的词，英语演讲时看你的感染力。语速慢一点，注意停顿，思路要清晰。让大家听清楚，听不懂的演讲稿子再好也是失败。演讲要有礼貌，声音洪亮，充满自信，说错一点没关系，不要回去重复。

Answer 2

"or there has already been a new hope in their heart."应该是“in their hearts"或者“in one's heart"
Just smile! Use the most beautiful language in the world to gain a pair of wings for your soul to fly in our real life.加上一个联结词，即......gain a pair of wings for your soul and fly in our real life.
你再查查字典，mountain,field,forest是可数名词吗？
希望你演讲成功，A-ZA A-ZA fighting!

Answer 3

支持一下
回答者：juju0930 - 魔法师 四级 4-26 19:18

反对一下：
mountain,field,forest是可数名词吗？－－－为什么不能可数？

^_^，感觉提问者太严肃了，演讲的文章本身不错了，主要是演讲时要讲出来。悬赏190让很多人望而却步。我个人认为，即便是老外的演讲稿，发表的也要经过重新整理，为什么成名，那是因为演讲者本人的魅力，而不是讲稿的内容。

Answer 4

支持二楼，很中肯的修改和意见
演讲稿不用太完美 关键是讲得好。