Question

【200分求助】雅思作文批改⑥。非常感谢。【方便的话可以另存为word文档批改后发到邮箱yasizuowen@163.com

【雅思TASK2 （大作文） 要求字数250】
【题目：Housing shortage is becoming a serious problem in main cities worldwide. What cause the phenomenon and how to solve it?】

【习作正文】【本篇共计262字】

Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend of increasing housing demands. Specifically, many big cities in the world are experiencing a severe insufficient of housing sources.

As far as I am concerned, one of proximate causes of this phenomenon is the deteriorating overpopulation. Increasing numbers of residents, manifestly, bring a surge of housing needs, which significantly exceed local capacities. Being more attractive and flourishing, main cities concentrate an enormous amount of people from the surrounding cities, which in turn make the housing problem more serious.

From another angle, seeking for those immoderate economic developments, many governments exploit plenty of areas, where publics would have lived, into somewhat Economic Development Zone. Consequently, manufacturing plants, office premises and shopping malls take the place of those should been utilized for habitancy. This essentially makes the housing sources dwindle.

To combat the scarcity of housing, a series of measures should be taken. Firstly, the population expansion should be strictly controlled via enhancing the public consciousness regarding overpopulation and via some policies, such as Planned Parenthood or no-children subsidy. Moreover, local authorities, as a leading role in this case, should have a more rational and sustainable urban planning to draw up a blueprint to maintain balance between economy and inhabitancy in main cities. Los Angeles, setting up a good example, has constructed a substantial amount of satellite towns transferring the residents from downtowns to urban areas utilized for tertiary industry which merely require small spaces.

From what has been discussed, it is clear that overpopulation and unreasonable utilizations of urban lands are two main causes regarding housing shortages, and if the factors identified above implemented, I deem the problem would get alleviating effectively.

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方便的话可以另存为word文档批改后发到邮箱yasizuowen@163.com
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希望能有判分、文章评价、

指出语法错误、

指出词汇及词组不恰当处并替换，

指出结构混乱或不合理处，

给出更自然地道的表达法建议。
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（上面的不一定都要有）
非常感谢，追加到200分
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Answer 1

已经发送到你的邮箱，保存成了Word格式，而且使用了track changes, 点评也在邮件中加入，不过是用英语写的，你的写作能力不错，注意不要太受框框限制，发挥出自己的真正水平就更好了

Answer 2

很多都是我雅思书上的句型呀，不过我觉得很不错！

Answer 3

考完了吧，感觉如何呀？

追问

嘿嘿~~~感觉还不错~太谢谢你啦！O(∩_∩)O~嘿嘿~~还有一楼的老师也是~~~吼吼~

Answer 4

你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下。专门批改作文的。我已经体验了好几篇粗批作文了，感觉老是给批改的确实很好，还会提出改进建议。但是我由于是考GRE的AW，实在是对自己的作文水平没有信心。