Question

请英语高手帮忙翻译一篇文章，汉译英的，谢谢了！

搞笑的名堂

虽然老版本的词典里没有“搞笑”一词，可如今的中国人似乎没有不知道什么叫“搞笑”的。
比如有人搞笑道：尽管三峡大坝造好了，英吉利海峡通隧道了，但世界上还有四大工程没完成，他们是：给长城贴瓷砖，给太阳装空调，给赤道镶金边，给黄河安栏杆！
听完这四大工程项目，真是觉得好笑，很滑稽。谁会真的去投资，谁会真的去施工？搞笑这一门，都是玩电脑的、打游戏的，编短信的人玩的东西，为了放松神经，博人一笑，搞完笑，自己也觉得好笑。至于哲学家、科学家、经济学家，他们对“搞笑”绝对不屑一顾——我一直是这样以为的。
可是，我硬碰硬错了，一旦这些“家”迷上了搞笑，他们就动真格，可不是说说玩玩。
比如，英国纽卡斯尔大学两名研究者用电子检测了蝗虫在观看电影《星球大战》时的大脑活动；比如，澳大利亚阿莱德大学的学者本杰明研究了131种青蛙在压力下发出的不同气味，最后有成果了：有些青蛙会发出腰果味，有的则发出甘草味、薄荷味甚至臭鱼味；比如匈牙利科学家发表了一篇重要论文，题目叫做《企鹅排泄时产生的压力》，他是真的等到企鹅要大便了立刻到他们的肛门里去测试的，决不凭空捏造，决不纸上谈兵；再比如，澳大利亚昆士兰大学一群科学家从1927年开始就前赴后继，仔细观察一团凝固的焦油从烟囱中滴落的情况，这一观察就观察了七八十年，到了2005年，总算有了科研成果：焦油平均每9年滴落一滴。有个科学家在焦油滴落第二滴的时候就去世了，他真有点死不瞑目。另一个科学家从第一滴一直坚持到第9滴，滴滴都是快活泪啊；又比如：美国明苏达大学的一个研究者正测量人在水中游得快呢还是在糖浆中游泳游得快……
一旦科学家开始搞笑，谁都阻挡不了，他们可不是胡诌一句“给太阳装空调”之后就关了手机睡觉去，不，他们决不是娱乐，他们要付诸实施，并且会制造出意想不到的有趣效果。科学家的搞笑比谁都“嚣”。我不是科学家，但有一些另类项目免费提供给那些特别有意思的科学家：一、对10只蟑螂宣布要实行“外科手术”式打击，其身上产生的异味对南极臭氧洞面积的影响；2、冬眠之前天天听摇滚乐的癞蛤蟆，其入洞冬眠后，咽口水的次数各是多少？三、一只扔在太平洋的空塑料瓶，10年之内浮在水面多少时间？完全被淹没占多少时间？四……
写完这篇小文，一位当医生的朋友无意中说了一句话，叫我心里咯噔一跳，他说：每个人的一生，都有神经错乱的时候，至少一次到两次。但搞笑也能搞出名堂来，这是那位医生没想到的。
希望是人工翻译的，这篇文章的风格偏幽默一点，大家加油哈！

Answer 1

Does positive result which smiles Although in the old edition dictionary does not have "to dosmiles" a word, but the present Chinese does not have not to know asif any calls "to do smiles". For instance some people do say with a smile: Although the ThreeGorges dam made, the English Channel passed the tunnel, but in theworld also had four big projects not to complete, they were: Pastesthe ceramic tile to the Great Wall, installs the air conditioning tosun, inlays Phnom Penh to the equator, for Yellow River peacefulparapet! Listens to these four big engineering project, really is thinksfunnily, is very funny. Who can really invest, who can reallyconstruct? Does smiles this, all is plays the computer, hits the game,edits the short note the person plays thing, in order to relax thenerve, the abundant person as soon as smiles, does smiles, own alsothink funnily. As for the philosopher, the scientist, the economist,they to "do smiles" absolutely not spare a glances - I always isthinks like this. But, I hardly bumped hardly mistakenly, once these "the family" wasinfatuated with has done smiles, they acted seriously, certainly to besure said played. For instance, the English Newcastle university two researcher examinedthe locust with the electron in to watch the movie "Star War" the timecerebrum activity; For instance, Australian Arab League 莱德university's scholar Benjamin have studied 131 kind of frog thedifferent smell which sends out under the pressure, finally had theachievement: Some frog can send out the cashew taste, some sends outthe licorice taste, the peppermint taste even smelly fish taste;"Pressure Which for instance the Hungarian scientists published animportant paper, the topic has been called When Penguin ExcretionProduce", he is really when the penguin wants the bowel movement toarrive in their anus to test immediately, fabricated in no way, was anarmchair strategist in no way; Again for instance, an AustralianQueensland University group of scientist started from 1927 to proceedtoward the successor, carefully observed the tar which a groupcoagulated the situation which dropped from the chimney, thisobservation observed for 780 years, to in 2005, finally had thescientific research achievement: The tar average every 9 years drop adrop. Had a scientist failed an examination two drop of times in thetar drop to die, he really a little died with injustice unredressed.Another scientist continuously persisted from the first drop the 9thdrop, the drop all is the merry tear; Also for instance: An Americanbright soda university's researcher is surveying the person to bequick in the water middle reaches or swims in the syrup swimsquickly... ... Once the scientist starts to do smiles, everybody could not prevent,after they certainly to be sure made up wild stories "installed theair conditioning to the sun" to close the handset to sleep, they werethe entertainment in no way, they had to put into practice, and couldmake the unexpected interesting effect. The scientist does smilescompares everybody "the clamour". I am not the scientist, but free hassome kind of project to provide in addition to these speciallyinteresting scientist: First, to 10 cockroach announced must implement"the surgical operation" the type attack, on his/her body producesunusual smell to south pole ozone hole area influence; 2nd, beforehibernation listens to rock and roll daily the toad, after it entersthe hole hibernation, how many swallows the saliva the number of timeseach is? Third, throws in Pacific Ocean spatially models the glassjar, how much time within do 10 years float in the water surface? Howmuch time completely is submerged occupies? Four... ... Finished this young Wen, when doctor's friend accidentally said aspeech, is called me in the heart thump as soon as to jump, he said:Each person's life, all brightly after is confused, at least time totwo. But does smiles also can do the positive result to come, this isthat doctor has not thought.