Question

这篇英语作文也请帮忙修改下，谢谢！

你好！我又来了，这篇麻烦您也帮我看看。就是根据题目这样写好不好？如果是您写应该怎么写更好呢？还有其他一些问题也帮忙指出，谢谢！！！如果这篇文章15分满分的话，您可以给多少分呢？不要怕打击我，谢谢！
题目：How to Improve Student's Mental Health
提纲：
（1）大学生的心理健康十分重要
（2）因此，学校可以。。。。
（3）我们自己应当。。。。

How to Improve Student's Mental Health
Colledge student's mental health is very important.On campus,they will finish their student-days and gradually become a real social person.In this period,they must discard their infantility and study how to shouder the responsibility.So it is very important to improve student's mental health.
For improving student's mental health,colledge must set up a comprehensive regulation.Firstly,courses on psychological health should be given to tell students what will they encounter in society and what can they do to solve the matter.Secondly,professional psychologist should be provided to help students recover from mental block.Moreover,colledge should provide many vocations to students to undergo an experience.
As far as we are concerned,we must believe in ourselves.When encountering some difficulties, we can't be afraid and we must adjust our mindset to solve them.If we hold a healthy mindset,nothing can be a barrier on our successful ways.

Answer 1

How to Improve Student's Mental Health

College students’ mental health is very important. On campus, they will finish their days as students and gradually become real social persons. In their college period, they must discard their innocence and study how to shoulder the responsibility. So it is very crucial to improve student's mental health.
For improving students‘’ mental health, college must set up a comprehensive regulation. Firstly, courses on psychological health should be given to students, telling them what they will encounter in the society and what they can do to solve real problems. Secondly, professional psychologists should be offered to help students recover from mental obstacles. Moreover, college should provide students with many vocations to adjust their inner health.
As far as we are concerned, we must believe in ourselves. When encountering some difficulties, we can't be scarced, instead, we must adjust our mindset to solve them. If we hold a healthy attitude, nothing can be a barrier on our ways to success.

英语不用太喜欢用同一个词表达相同的意思，所以最后一句里我就用attitude来暗指mindset心态，意思是差不多的。其它有些小地方您也可以对照看一下。中间的两个论点也不错，不过也可以再开阔下思路，比如设立谈心坊为学生们免费提供心理援助也是很有必要的。

这次比上次的作文进步好多！13分吧。

Answer 2

呵呵，刚刚没事干，偶尔看了看，首先表扬作者不辞劳苦发表文章，下面是在下的意见，本人水平有限，仅供参考，有误莫怪- -！

文章内容，文章深度，就无法给予评论了要靠作者自己，但是单词拼写，语法，搭配，词语润色还有连贯我提出以下意见

首先，我建议文章结构不要用Firstly，secondly 等这些词，因为太常见了 不容易高分，可以推荐，first of all ----moreover----furthermore-----in addition-----the most importantly，----however---nevertheless----above all ---thus等等来串联段落（雅思考试必备）。

第二 不要用重复的词语，文章中 encounter 用了2次，其中一个 可以用meet ，不要觉得encounter就比meet 好 就不用平常一点的词，老师都是喜欢词语丰富的文章
说道文章上，
首先 1Colledge student's 中 大学就拼错了----- college 而且下文中的也拼错了，低级错误会让改卷老师印象不好
2 how to shouder the responsibility 中 shoulder
3 what can they do to solve the matter 中 matter要复数 而且 solve 最好与problem搭配
4 Moreover,colledge should provide many vocations to students to undergo an experience.-----这句我没看懂什么意思，如果是说大学要给学生多一点假期来体验的话，应该是vocation拼错了，改为 vacation。
如果是提供职位给在校大学生来体验的话，undergo 是，经历得起，受得起，忍受得（困难的，苦难的事情）直接改为 college should provide many vocations with students as an experience
5。When encountering some difficulties, we can't be afraid------afraid 后要加 of
6 colledge must set up a comprehensive regulation，既然是提建议，就不要用must ，comprehensive regulation？作者想表达什么意思呢？我没看懂- -！
7 When encountering some difficulties, we can't be afraid and we must adjust our mindset to solve-----difficulty 与 overcome搭配
8 professional psychologist should be provided to help students recover from mental block --不是每个人都有mental block的吧- - 个人觉得 students后 加多个从句修饰下改成 有心理疾病的学生

so~~~就这样吧- -

Answer 3

How to Improve Student's Mental Health
For a college student, mental health is so important.On campus,they will finish their student-career and gradually become a real social man.In this period,they must discard their infantility and learn how to shoulder their responsibilities.So to improve student's mental health is so nesessary.
For improving student's mental health,school must set up a comprehensive regulation.Firstly,courses on psychological health should be given to tell students what will they encounter in society and what can they do to solve the matters. What's more ,professional psychologist should be provided to help students recover from mental block.In addition, students should have more holidays to undergo an experience.
As far as we are concerned,we must believe in ourselves.When facing some difficulties, we shouldn't have to back down but to solve them.If we hold a optimistic attitude, nothing can be a barrier on our ways to success.
这是我改的
能力有限，仅供参考