Question

谁能给我一篇英语短文

一篇英语短文，可以是笑话，大约要新概念2那样长度，不要太难，也不要太简单，6年级学生能听懂的就行，急急急急

Answer 1

Life after death
死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。
“我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。
“哦，那还好”。老板接着说。
“你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”
Talking clock
会说话的钟

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.
"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.
"I have been broken all!",said the fool .
"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.
Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……
The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"
从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。
那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”
医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”

Notes
1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹
2. to point at: 对...瞄准

allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

fool_fox

标题：I'm the boss
内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
note:staff meeting:员工会议

Wife's picture
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈
martini 马提尼酒
peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看

希望能被采纳!!

Answer 2

Brazilian food is like Brazil itself. It's a rich mixture of many things from many places. Some Brazilian dishes are like {prtuguese dishes. Many Portuguese people go to live in Brazil. Other dishes are not like any European dishes.
Brazilian cooks are lucky. They can get excellent fish from the ocean. They can get meat From the Farm . And they can get all kinds of tropical fruits and vegetables.
Brazil is a large country. Eavh area has its own history and traditions, and so each area also has its own way of cooking.

纯手打，希望采纳：D

Answer 3

1Yesterday my father told me a story about a brave and little boy named Tom. One day when Tom was on his way home, he suddenly heared the crying from the river, "Help!" From the voice, Tom found a little girl was drowning in the river, struggling for help. Without hesitation, Tom rushed to the river side and jumped into the river, pulling her out of the water. The little girl was saved and Tom was highly praised by his family and friends.

2
Liu Kai is my classmate.He is a good student and always ready to help others.One day on his way to school,he saw a little girl crossing the road.A car was coming towards her quickly and the girl was too frightened to move.The car nearly hit her.Just then LiuKai rushed up to her and caught her by the arm.The little girl was saved.She told him where she lived,and he took her home.When LuiKai hurried into the classroom,the teacher had already begun his lesson.He told the teacher why he was late.He was then praised for what he had done.

3 A good boy
One day LiMing caught a little bird.He tied it waith a piece of thread and played with it happily.At that time,he saw a little girl crying by the coadside.A policeman saw her,came over and asked her why she was crying and where her house is.When he learned that girl had got lost and she was then looking for her mother,he decided to lead the girl to be back home.
Seeing this li ming thought the little bird also had its mother and he should set the little bird free so that it could be with its mother again.Then LiMing untied the thread and returned the little bird to blue sky .

4Internet
In my opinion,the Internet is helpful rather than harmful as someone else thinks.As is known to all,the Internet is playing a more and more important part in our daily life.On the Internet ,we can read news at home and from abroad and get as much information as we can.We can send e-mails or make phone calls to our family as well as to our friends.We can also attend the net school,read many books and even teach ourselves English.We can slso enjoy music,match matches and play computer games on the Internet.Wcan even do shopping on line.Besides, we can improve our ability to operate the computer.

Answer 4

Two sisters were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look!"siad the older sister."How nice these paintings are!""yes."said the younger."But in all these paintings there are olny the mother and the children."Where is the father?"The older sister thought for amoment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures."

Answer 5

题目：更年期 A 15-year-old girl learn bad. Her mom and dad angry, say: "I not letter I and your father's two menopause tube you!"
一名15岁的女孩学不好的。她的妈妈和爸爸生气,说:“我就不信我和你父亲的两个更年期管你了!”