Question

雅思作文求评分，求建议，求修改

topic:some people think that studying in a college or a university is the best way for students to prepare for future career. But others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Every year, right at this time, college graduates are facing the fateful alternative between work and study. Although drastic controversy has been taken place, the conundrum still remains unsolved. Some individuals maintain that we students should leave school as soon as possible in order to gain ample social skills. Simultaneously, antagonists controvert that universities are the optimum place for work preparation.

On one hand, employers who hire graduates from college are always complaining about the shortcomings of their employees. After years of study in boarding school, they tend to be lazy, untidy and lack of optimism. Thus, there exist those who claim that we should leave school early. According to them, skills for work can hardly be learned in college classrooms. It is in the society that those skills can be gained. Additionally, given ascending college fees, students with financial problems should leave school early, go to work and take the responsibility of raising a family instead of spending parents’ hard work on the lavishing campus.Diametrically, opponents believe that the unskilled quandary belies the words that four-year study on campus is enough. After four years of study, undergraduates still tend to ruin the facilities in the lab, which reveals the fact that they are unskilled. Besides, facing the more and more fervent competition in job hunting, the best solution lies in the classroom.

Both sides are soundly based. However, in my own facet, those who apply for a job which doesn’t require much knowledge should leave school early. On the other side, further study in college is essential for jobs in high-tech companies.

Answer 1

你第一段是套模板的吧，用词很大，很惊人
你有了on the one hand，on the other hand呢？
lack of optimism 你前面有个be 动词，你这个应该是个lacking
。。。
你如果想拿个保险的分数（6以上）
建议你做一下几点咯：
1，个人建议去多看看看shenxiaoni的那个6到9分范文
2，把你除去模板的那些句子，能合成一个从句的就合成从句。你套模板的痕迹 比较的明显，词用的很大，很深，考官不是傻子，看的出的，也很反感。因为你自己写的句子都是不符合那些linker的水平的。
3，如果你是马上就要考的话，我个人建议你还是经常找一个搞雅思培训的老师帮你看，你想拿个保险的分数就要知道好文章是怎么写的，提醒句，光看范文不练是不够的。
4，如果你是马上要考的话，建议就上上一对一吧，我听说还挺有用的，

Answer 2

新东方批改网可以评分，还有外教批改。但是要花钱。
具体的可以上那个网看看。

Answer 3

撒