Question

2009年浙江高考英语作文，求点评

题目：
5月1日，高二三班的学生志愿者li yue和zhang hua去阳光敬老院（SUNSHINE NURSING HONE)开展志愿者活动（送水果、打扫、聊天等）。假如你是学校英语报的记者，请按下列要求用英语写一则100~120词的新闻报道。
1.时间地点人物活动；2.老人们的反应3.简要评论

Student Volunteer Brought Sunshine to the Elderly
May first,liyue and zhanghua who came from the class 2 of second year in our school and they have been to the SUNSHINE NURSING HOME as the volunteer.At morning,they took some fresh fruit to the old and the old were gratified.Li and Zhang did some hourse work in the nursing home and made there clean and comfortable.At the moment,the old had eaten fruit with smile.After,they talked to the old and they were all happy.
As a school report ,I have done some interview to the old and most said:"they are good boys and we pleasure to see them again."So I can see the happiness on their face.
I think they are exmple as the senior school students.They know what the old need and they know how to car about the old.If we can try our best for the society,our life would be more harmonious。

Answer 1

第一句话有语法问题啊。。liyue and zhanghua who came from the class 2 of second year in our school 只是主语。没谓语啊。。应该把后面的and they 删了。。
第二段As a school report，应该是As a school reporter，还有， on their face.应该是 on their faces.
最后一段how to car about the old有一个单词错了。。应该是care about the old
我觉得可以得18分吧。。。30分的满分。。。

Answer 2

一个要点一般写一段，你第一段写的有点乱了，最后的一句应放在第二段，So I can see the happiness on their face，这句话写的有点汉语了，废话不多说，开始时的人物活动不能一笔带过，这样会显得文章 不够说明问题！，总体的来说还不错，呵呵

Answer 3

多用高级词汇啊。

Answer 4

恩 ！ 文章 不够说明问题！要更深入问题去回答

追问

能不能详细点？非常感谢！我把分都给你还剩四十，还有满分三十，我这个能上二十吗？

Answer 5

kanbudong