Question

求批改雅思作文 ？高手请批改一下，顺便看看能拿多少分！谢谢

When a country develop its technology,the tradition skills and the way of life die out.it is pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays,an increasing number of people are concerned about modern technology.Some people think that is unuseful to keep skills and life style in the past.In my opinion,traditional skilla and ways of life are significant for society,because they are a course for the youth and the basic knowledge for modern technology.

At the beginning,traditional skills and life style can teach the youth to become treasure.After thousands of years,every thing was changed and developed when compare before.Modern students are necessary to learn the history,as history mirrors different kinds of skills and life style.When young people get to know how old people lived before,they will feel happy what they own and become treasure it.

Moreover,traditional skills are the basic knowledge which contributes to modern technology.It is common that letters were useful tool in the past for communicating.Nevertheless,email becomes popular and replaced letters.If there was no letters before,email won't come out nowadays.Actually,email is another kind of letter,but connects with modern technology.So letter is the basic knowledge for email.

It is not to say that traditional skills style can instead of modern technology,because traditional life style cannot be used in modern world.The competitions intense nowadays,people have to work hard and upgrade themselves to earn a living.This is not a labor society,which people work by energy.It is necessary that people cooperate energy with knowledge to work.But it is also significant for keeping traditions in the same time.

Answer 1

Nowadays,an increasing number of people are concerned about modern technology.Some people think that is unuseful to keep skills and life style in the past.In my opinion,traditional skills and ways of life are significant for society,(because they are a course for the youth and the basic knowledge for modern technology.)
开头段要亮明身份OK，你是一边倒还是折中？括号里是什么？这么急不可耐就扔黑砖，别人还没出手呢

（At the beginning,）traditional skills and life style can teach the youth [to become treasure.After thousands of years,every thing was changed and developed when compare before.]Modern students are necessary to learn the history,as history mirrors different kinds of skills and life style.When young people get to know how old people lived before,they will feel happy what they own and become treasure it.
模版背的可不够熟哦，括号里的词侧重时间，应换用强调顺序的套话
看点来了，中括号里华丽丽的病句和错词；"treasure" or "treasure hunter"？//// when compare before????? feel happy what????become treasure it????这都成句吗？？？？

Moreover,traditional skills are the basic knowledge which contributes to modern technology.It is common that letters were useful tools in the past for communicating.Nevertheless,email becomes popular and replaced letters.If there was no letters before,email won't come out nowadays.Actually,email is another kind of letter,but connects with modern technology.So letter is the basic knowledge for email.
Nevertheless是这么用的吗？它肯定的是后半句，懂？
这一段的砖头不够硬啊，mail是email的祖宗，所以该供起来，这是你的逻辑吗？真深刻

It is not to say that traditional skills style can instead of modern technology,because traditional life style cannot be used in modern world.The competitions intense nowadays,people have to work hard and upgrade themselves to earn a living.This is not a labor society,which people work by energy.It is necessary that people cooperate energy with knowledge to work.But it is also significant for keeping traditions in the same time.
收尾不带这么火急火燎的，连段首的套话都省了，真白
cooperate energy with knowledge 还挺押韵，那也难掩动词的狼狈

全文立论混乱，逻辑不通；遣词造句更是雷人；语法盲点多到令人咂舌；6分就够意思了

Answer 2

尝试着不要用 nowdays 开头。 考官都看吐了