Question

后天就要考试了，求高手批改托福独立作文！！我感觉自己这次要悲剧了。。。唉。。。 谢谢大家了。。。

For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more
on very young children education rather than on universities?

Recently I saw a report on the newspaper that the tuition of some primary school has been increasing amazingly and the statistic prove it is a real one. According to the investigation conducted by ZheJiang University, the cost of a child’s education has increased by 78% in the past 5 years. More and more people begin to hold the idea that government should invest more money in the primary education. In contrast, I firmly allege that a government should continue focus more on the development of university.

To start with, university has always been the most important factor to the advancement and development of a country. First, most of the successful people, who contribute a lot to our agriculture, industry and any other areas, almost have the experiences of receiving education in colleges. According to DaLian post, one medium specialized in education, reveal that 97% Nobel Prize winners are graduates from universities. Furthermore, besides its contribution to education, most of the best universities have various research centers such as ones in biology, archeology and so on. For example, one of the most important energy institution is in ShangHai Communication university, which play an indispensable role in the process of finding new energy. As a result, if it couldn’t get enough fund from the government, it would make very negative influence on our country’s future.

In addition, young children education doesn’t need so much money as university does. In order to update their equipments, universities have to spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents. In contrast, children would never need such expensive stuff for them to acquire information and solve problems. On the other hand, since the university has opened various classes, the students need enough book, magazines and other materials for them to accumulate enough knowledge and find solutions to difficult questions. Adversely, children never need so many resources for the fact that it takes them very long time to finish only one book so that providing them with too many materials is a waste of time.

Admittedly, the primary education indeed play an important role in a person’s life. However, it doesn’t mean that government must put more fund into this area because most of the important education work of a child rely on his or her parents rather than on government. In conclusion, it is my belief that government should distribute more money to university than very young children’s education.

Answer 1

最近,我在报纸上看到一个报告,一些小学的学费也逐年增加,令人惊讶的是,证明它是一个真正的统计。根据调查由浙江大学,孩子的教育成本增加了78%在过去的五年里。越来越多的人开始举行的想法,政府应该投资更多的钱在初等教育。相反,我坚决主张政府应该继续将更多的注意力放在高校的发展。

首先,大学一直是最重要的因素。一个国家的进步和发展。首先,大多数成功人士做了大量工作,对我们的农业、工业和其他领域,几乎有经验的高校接受教育。根据大连职位,一个中等专业教育,表明,诺贝尔奖得主是97%的毕业生。此外,除了它的贡献的教育,大部分最好的大学有各种各样的研究中心(在生物学方面的学识,考古等。例如,一个最重要的能源机构在上海交通大学中扮演不可或缺的角色,而在这个过程中找到新能源。作为一个结果,如果它不能得到足够的资金来自政府,它会让负面影响我们的国家的未来。

此外,幼儿教育不需要这么多钱作为大学一样。为了更新设备、大学不得不花费成千上万的美元购买新专利。相反,孩子们不需要这么昂贵的东西让他们获得信息,并解决问题。另一方面,由于大学已经开放多类,学生们需要足够的书、杂志和其他材料,让他们积累e

Answer 2

写得挺好的，但有一些小错误。
1、continue focus 改为continue to focus
2、one of the most important energy institution ，其中institution要加s，还有后面which play ，play 加s.
3、spend tens of thousands of dollars buy new patents，改为spend tens of thousands of dollars on new patents或(in)buying new patents. 注意spend的用法。
4、the primary education indeed play…，play加s