Question

帮忙批改英语作文(2)

我是初二学生,暑假做了天津中考卷,帮忙修改下,谢谢!

天津2010中考英语作文题目:

IX. Writing (15’)
假如你是某学生杂志社的编辑Diana，收到了读者Steve的一封来信，心中倾诉了他的烦恼。请根据提示内容，给Steve写一封回信。
提示：
与人交流 课上参与小组讨论，表达自己的想法；课间和同学们交流
表达善意 主动问候同学；对同学友好；帮助同学
参加活动 积极参加班级活动（如：运动会、歌咏比赛等）

参考词汇：小组讨论 group work 表达 express
要求：1. 词数：80-100个。
2. 开头和结尾已经给出，不计入总词数。
3. 要点齐全，行文连贯，可适当发挥。

我写的如下:
I think that you should be active. In class, you should join the group work so that you can express your own thoughts and talk to the other students happily.
After class, you can not only greet the students next to you but help them who got into trouble as well . the students will feel that you are a friendly person and they will make friends with you.
You can also take part in some activities, such as the school sports meeting and the other competition.
Day and day, you will get on will with your classmates . cheer up, boy! After all, you have come to the new school for a long time. Just do it, and you will be successful!
除了指出错误之处,如果加点建议,万分感谢!

Answer 1

Day and day 这个可以改成Day after day.
talk to 改为talk with 会更好。
整体的句型句式都还可以，但要注意部分大小写
you can not only greet the students next to you 这句写得不是很好。你可以改成You can show your kindness by ....
get on will with 这个will 不知道你是拼错还是电脑打错应该是well
After all, you have come to the new school for a long time.这个句子有点跟文章联不上，而且这句的意思是“毕竟，你来新学校已经很长一段时间了。”你的本意应该是想说“毕竟，你到新学校的时间不长”所以这句我认为应改为After all, you have come to the new school not long ago.
这样的答案不知道有没有帮到你，嘻嘻

Answer 2

Steve,
Thank you for your letter to us expressing your worries about inter-working with your classmates.
As a new students in the class, I think you should be more active and willing to express yourself and communicate with others. For example, you can join the discussion in class group work so that you can share your own thoughts and know more about other students' thinking.
Outside class, you can be more willing to greet other students and offer help to them when necessary. In turn, other students will feel your friendliness and they be willing to make friends with you.
You can also take part in some activities, such as the ball games, song or talent competition.
To solve your problems simply need to open up your mind and have more friends. Try it out !

Diana

Answer 3

不是group work 是Team work。
who gets into troubles
两处 other 前面都不要the
other students
other competitions
day and day >gradually
呵呵，希望可以帮到你，有不懂的还可以问我^^

Answer 4

应该把第一段中的the other 改成other..
如果是我的话，我会把第二段中的next to 改成around..把got改成get..
貌似需要把competition改成competitions.