Question

求助：雅思作文task1评分修改

题目：The table below shows the percentage of households with various electronic items in New Zealand in 1995 and 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fe atures, and make comparisons where relevant

Electronic Goods in New Zealand Household
Percentage of households with: 1995 2002
Washing machine 97 97
Color TV 94 98
Computer 49 76
Cell phone 19 60
Video recorder 76 65
Dish washer 45 54
Digital camera 2 39

The table describes the proportion of families with different electronic items in 1995 and 2002.

In general, the households are classified into three kinds in terms of electronic goods in New Zealand families: rising percentages, decreasing percentages and remained stable.

Those houses which gained percentages in the period included colour TV, computers, sell phones, dish washers and digital cameras. The rising speed between 1995 and 2002 in sell phones is faster than other items, rising from 19% in 1995 to 60% in 2002. Then followed by digital cameras, increasing from only 2% in 1995 to nearly 40% in 2002. Colour TVs shared the least increase, they merely increased by 4% between the two years.

Since these items shared an increasing trend, the video recorders showed a decreasing trend, dropping from 76% in 1995 to just 65% in 2000. The washing machines remained stable, about 47% in both years.

Overall, as can be seen from the table that cell phones reveal the major increase while video recorders indicate a small drop in the two years.

Answer 1

The table compares and contrasts(1) the proportion of families with different electronic devices in 1995 and 2002(2).

In 2002, the average percentage of colour TV, computers, cell phones, dish washers and digital cameras owned by families was increased espcially for cell phones which boosted from 19% in 1995 to 60% in 2002 and the percentage for digital camera was also significantly increased by 38%.(3)

In contrast, in 2002, less propotion of video recorders were owned by the households, dropping from 76% in 1995 to only 65% in 2000. However, the washing machines remained stable, about 47% in both years.

Overall, as can be seen from the table that cell phones reveal the major increase while video recorders indicate a small drop in the two years.

(1) 这个表格是比较2年的数据，而不是简单的描述，所以用describe不妥
（2）你的第二段可以整段去掉，不需要这么交代分3类
（3）并不是表格里的每一个数据都要写进文章，我觉得那个彩电就不需要，因为没有什么特点
我大致帮你改了一下，这篇文章5.5分左右吧，加油咯~~