Question

雅思类作文，请高手帮忙修改。

Contemporarily, with the technological development, it is controversial that whether the society was earned a detrimental influence because of the modern technology in last 100 years. In terms of this issue, some individuals assert that technology is the cause of baleful social phenomenon while many others maintain that the advantages of technology are greater than its disadvantages. I will analyze both views.

In one hand, it is crucial to argue that the goal which is to improve the quality of life is urgent and also critical. Governments are expected to provide their residents the sense of security and the sense of euphoria because not only would it reduce the crime rate but also can afford individuals more leisure time. Specifically, as the matter of fact, with the help of technology, it is evident that crime has been quite simple to exhibit. This point is best illustrated with the example that a research shows that after the invention of fingerprint verification, the efficiency of detect criminals has been enhanced extremely. Therefore, the expense of crime is becoming higher, which can actually keep society safe and stable. Moreover, technology also contributes o eliminate individuals’ workload especially for workers, for instance, it is generally acknowledged that some machines can address a mass of work which is dangerous and tough for human beings

On the other hand, some others have an opposite view involved with this issue. They contend that the modern technology obviously widened the gap between the poor and the rich and inspires tension and conflicts among them due to the fact that it is unjust and unconscionable that the poor cannot utilize modern technology to benefit, instead of that, technology poses a threat to them, because when the society were overly dependent on the modern technology, the poor found that there work tend to be more and more monotonous and un-motivating. In addition, they also confront to be fired in any time, since technology is burgeoning developed which will easily take the place of them in the near future.

However, I would like to claim that governments are not supposed to curb the progress of developing technology. This is because, it can be hardly denied that it has promising prospect for technology to resolve all these problems. The reason of this issue is that without technology, we may have many other problems. Consequently, technology plays a pivotal role in the society.

In summary, after stating both opinion, I would like to assert that the technology is good large than harm. It is highly advisable for governments to assist individuals who live in poverty by using technology.

Answer 1

大致看了一下，还是存在一些中文式的表达方式。如：technological development，我猜你的意思是技术的发展，Development of technology。两者意思是不一样的。
词汇看得出背了不少，多练吧！更深层的理解词汇的意思可以帮助你用词更准确。
加油！！

Answer 2

什么东西

Answer 3

Firstly, it's "on one hand" but not "in one hand"...

Answer 4

写的不很错啊 差不多7分左右水平了吧~

Answer 5

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