求高手批改雅思作文。请指出问题和错误，给个分数，并根据我写作文的习惯，看看需要在哪方面再努力，谢谢 5
Somepeoplethinkweneedmorefemaleleaderstocreateworldpeaceandreduceviolence.Towhatexten...
Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree?
Obviously, it is men that play more active role than women to pursue a peaceful world on the world’s political arena in all ages. Hardly do women show such an active and dominant picture. Therefore, some people assert that more women should devote themselves to creating a peaceful world with less violence. From my point of view, I quite agree their viewpoint, especially in contemporary society when teamwork in prevalent.
To begin with, women are, in essence, inherently advantageous in contrast with men in terms of characters. It is widely acknowledged that women are generally much less aggressive, ambitious as well as violent than men. Accordingly, it is common practice that female leaders tend to search for world peace and reducing violence, instead of pursuing more resources, land and hegemony. In addition, as for creating a more enlightened and progressive image, which embodies democracy and is of crucial significance to attract supporters, women are also far more adept at than their male counterparts. Therefore, with support of wider scope as well as higher degree, female leaders are more likely to be able to achieve their political ideals of world peace as well as less violence.
Nevertheless, women naturally have some disadvantages to be a leader. The most significant and manifest is, of course, they are relatively vulnerable physically. Their physical defects scarcely afford them to accomplish enormous achievements and deal with complicated situation. However, political leaders are receiving much more help from teams behind them to tackle with various problems. In this case, it would not be a problem for women to be leaders, and this can be best exemplified by such distinguished female leaders as Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Clinton and so forth.
To conclude, women have inherent advantages over men as leaders to pursue world peace and reduce violence. Though they are born with some defects, it would not be an obstacle particularly in present-day age. Consequently, I am convinced that we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. 展开
Obviously, it is men that play more active role than women to pursue a peaceful world on the world’s political arena in all ages. Hardly do women show such an active and dominant picture. Therefore, some people assert that more women should devote themselves to creating a peaceful world with less violence. From my point of view, I quite agree their viewpoint, especially in contemporary society when teamwork in prevalent.
To begin with, women are, in essence, inherently advantageous in contrast with men in terms of characters. It is widely acknowledged that women are generally much less aggressive, ambitious as well as violent than men. Accordingly, it is common practice that female leaders tend to search for world peace and reducing violence, instead of pursuing more resources, land and hegemony. In addition, as for creating a more enlightened and progressive image, which embodies democracy and is of crucial significance to attract supporters, women are also far more adept at than their male counterparts. Therefore, with support of wider scope as well as higher degree, female leaders are more likely to be able to achieve their political ideals of world peace as well as less violence.
Nevertheless, women naturally have some disadvantages to be a leader. The most significant and manifest is, of course, they are relatively vulnerable physically. Their physical defects scarcely afford them to accomplish enormous achievements and deal with complicated situation. However, political leaders are receiving much more help from teams behind them to tackle with various problems. In this case, it would not be a problem for women to be leaders, and this can be best exemplified by such distinguished female leaders as Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Clinton and so forth.
To conclude, women have inherent advantages over men as leaders to pursue world peace and reduce violence. Though they are born with some defects, it would not be an obstacle particularly in present-day age. Consequently, I am convinced that we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. 展开
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