Question

请高手批改雅思作文，最好给个分数。 另外，就这篇文章来说，请指出我还应该在哪方面改进，谢谢。

Some people think the advantages of international tourism outweigh its disadvantages. To what extent do you agree?

With the dramatic development of international tourism, whether it brings about more advantages rather than advantages has been a frequent topic. From my point of view, I believe its merits surpass drawbacks.
To begin with, it is manifest that the international tourism can function as a trigger to boost employment opportunities, both for the host countries and the transport industry. As tourists swarm into the host countries, they require various services such as catering, accommodation, entertainment, and transport and so forth. Therefore, numerous number of employment opportunities would be generated as a consequence. In addition, international tourism holds its inherent advantage to promote the accessibility of destinations to a large extent. Generally, many destinations suffer from relatively poor accessibility. This is especially true for some natural resorts as well as ethnic minority areas which are remote from large cities. In the sake of attracting more tourists, the local government as well as stockholders would be willing to allocate large amount of money to constructing different types of transport facilities.
Nevertheless, I do acknowledge that international tourism may be detrimental to some extent. For incidence, usually tourists and the local residents come from totally different cultural background, and there exists distinct economic disparity between them. As a result, cultural clashes and resent for the wealthy may ensue. However, the local government has obligation to dedicate collective efforts with the local people to managing the behaviors of the both sides. In that case, not only would not these negative phenomena appear, but also positive cultural interaction would be enhanced.
By way of conclusion, I do concede that international tourism may lead to some adverse effects. However, I am convinced that its advantages overweigh disadvantages, particularly when it is well managed.

Answer 1

总的来说，显示了一定的语言功底，给70分吧。（仅个人观点，不代表专家意见）
题目问。。。是超过。。。的，那么在多大程度上你认为。。。是这样的？而你的第一段最后一句说。。。是超过的。。。这算是回答题目中的问题吗？
这说明你首段并未明确抓住题意，只是又重复了一下原题，并未给出切中要害的回答。另外第一段前面表述不太清楚。
第二段说明了国际旅游的好处，但是衔接词用的欠妥，没有明显的标记证明这就是你本人的观点。另外时态前后也有不一致的地方。句意之间逻辑不是很严密。
第三段，我觉得好像应该放在第一段，因为这好像才是你切合题目的观点，实际上你应该围绕着这最后一句话来展开你的论述。
用词上有故意文绉绉之嫌，比如，为什么不In conclusion, i do agree that呢？
以上点评不妥之处，请谅解！

Answer 2

internationaly language 形名搭配错误
becomes importantly:become为半系动词，后跟形容词，importantly 改为important.
internationaly:a 改为an
many student 可数名词应用复数形式
建议把 is took to 改成 is taken to/is taking to
a early age: 冠词误用，a 改为an
is superior than 建议改成 is superior to
in me opinion : 代词使用错误，应该使用形容词词性物主代词，改为in my opinion
see eye to eye用得很棒
建议你到新东方批改网上去改一下，有外教帮你批改

Answer 3

http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/317208045.html?seed=0