Question

因为英语课前三分钟老师要求我们利用这3分钟来讲英语的演讲啊英语的笑话 啊

现在搞的我烦操死了，不知道要讲些什么，求简单的笑话简单的哲理笑话和开始演讲前的词，就是什么：今天，我讲的笑话是关于什么什么的。。。。。。当然，我也求笑话和中文翻译。。。。。言而总之总而言之，求一篇3分钟的稿子，英语的，要求要简单易懂！谢谢

Answer 1

有一人独自在森林中冒险，
　　突然发现自己被食人族重重包围。
　　于是对天空大喊：
　　“我死定了，上帝救救我！”
只见天空出现一到光
　　传来一个声音：
　　“还不一定，
　　现在你捡起地上一颗大石头，
把带头的酋长砸死。”
　　于是他捡起地上最大的一颗石头，
　　狠狠的砸向酋长，
　　正好把酋长砸死。
　　族人全都呆了一呆，
　　接著怒目相向，
　　这时天上又传来一阵声音：
　　“现在你才真的死定了。”

Answer 2

allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

Answer 3

一个电影院的老板经常到一家饭店吃饭，可是每次吃完他都不付钱，却拿出几张电影票抵账。
　　这天，他又来饭店点了一份炒鸡蛋，可饭店老板却说暂时没有鸡蛋。
　　电影院的老板叫道：“怎么可能会没有鸡蛋?”
　　饭店老板说：“鸡都看电影去了，哪还有闲工夫下蛋!”
A cinema boss often go to a restaurant to eat, but every time I eat, but he won't pay out a few tickets for a movie DiZhang.
That day, he and to the hotel ordered a scrambled eggs, but boss says no eggs for hotel.
The owner of the theater call way: "how may not have eggs?"
Restaurant owners said: "chicken all went to the cinema, which still have found time lay eggs!"

Answer 4

我也是...难道我们同班...

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