Question

急求雅思作文批改和评分，谢谢了~~~~~~

小作文
The graphs given illustrate the numbers of visitors to and from the British and the five most popular countries the British inhabitants like to travel in the year 1999.

Residents visited abroad and came to the UK were all increased stably. To be specific, the population of UK visitors is 13millions at first. However, at the year around 1985, it reached 20 millions and then rise with a higher growth rate which amount to 54 millions in the year 1999. As for the population of overseas travelers, the figure is 10 millions at first which slightly went for the first seven years and then ascended to 27.5miilions finally.

Then, it can be seen from the bar chart that the most welcomed countries for UK residents was France (11 millions) followed by Spain with 9 millions visitors. Populations travelled to America and Greece were approximately 4 millions and 3 millions respectively. Turkey was the least popular as the number was 2 millions.

To sum up, as the choices various, residents become more willing to visit abroad, so as the case of foreign residents.

大作文
Student behavior is concerned much than ever as parents and government contribute lots of money on education. However, the result may not that satisfied. Phenomenon like bullying junior students, getting tired of study as well as lacking of innovation all bothers the society seriously.

The reasons for this unfortunate fact are various. First of all, as the direct leader in schooling, most teachers have not played the dominant role well. Rather than encouraging independent thinking, they are force-feeding the students to learn and memories just for the memory’s own sake. Further, parents have not built a good model. It is unrealistic for children to behave well when their parents are indiscipline. Finally, the over expectation from society also contributes a major cause of students’ bad behaviors. Specifically, the government invests much of its budget in education and expects return can be fulfilled as soon as possible, ignoring the truth that education is always a long term career. Only by making effort by generations, can domestic quality be boost.

Accordingly, the solutions are also comprehensive. To begin with, teachers should enhance their teaching methodology to fit the quality-oriental education. Meanwhile, urging students to create original thoughts is also of significance. Then, parents should be good patterns themselves first. As long as they perform well, children would be unconsciously influenced. Parents are the best teachers. Last but not least, society must be tolerant. It would not act well until the burden is eased from the education circles.

To sum up, causes of the students behavior problems are multiple. I believe that steps, including educators efforts and social publicity should be taken to address these worrying issues.

Answer 1

建议你到新东方批改网上改改，都是外教改的
我至今为止，精批大作文一篇，细批大作小作文各一篇~
除了批改打分，还有范文什么的，老师也很尽心，由于是我第一篇批改的作文，于是分数很低（正常），经过老师批改后发现了自己的问题。于是第二次提交的细批大作文，分数有所上升（感谢）！第三次，提交的是细批小作文，估计是我小作文毛病比较突出，外教批改出结果惨不忍堵（果然我三次雅思经历5.5是必然的必然的呀！！），现在准备研究小作文去