Question

好心人帮我看看雅思作文吧~~多给点意见啊~~急急急~~

题目：Children who find the subjects such as maths and philosophy difficult should not be made to study these. These subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree with the statement?

It is acknowledgeable that nowadays students are required to learn quantities of courses at school,ranging from science to humanity,as well as arts.Some children find it too tough to study math or philosophy,or some other subjects,so they suggest these courses be optional rather than compulsory.

Actually,it’s reasonable for the advice of making these subjects alternative.People who support this believe that different persons have different talents in particular domains,thus,it’s just a waste of time for them to learn all the arranged curriculum in class,among which they are not fond of some of them.For instance,there are quite a few renowned authors who are bad at math,but have great achievements in writing.If they have continued spending much time on mathemetic problems,we would not enjoyed such a number of wonderful works.Apart from that,they also worry that children even secretly run aways from the class that they are afraid of,which may give rise to threat to their safety or potential of crime.

However,those who hold the opinion that all the curriculum should be compulsory propose that children need comprehensive knowledge to shape their characteristics as well as enhance their personalities.Furthermore,there are usually associatons among various subjects,such as math and economy,linguistics and philosophy,which indicated that understanding some of them might be helpful to grasp others.

From my viewpoint,it’s fairly necessary to make subjects like math and philosophy when children are in primary school.After all, we need more or less skills and philosophical thoughts in our later lives whatever we are.In this process,children will come to arise interest in certain courses and realize what really fit them.Then,optional subjects can be more effective for students to further their studies in specific field.

Answer 1

我觉得写的不错,就是句式单一了点,想拿高分的话,加一些高级点的句式吧.

追问

非常感谢！！！请问您考过或了解雅思吗？这大概能评多少分呀？

追答

考过的. 我个人觉得有7分的样子吧, 最后一段From my ... fairtly necessary这种词一句有一个就可以了,不要两个一起用,比如 would... possiblely...在一句里.

追问

谢谢！楼上给了我些信心了！