Question

昨天雅思考试的时候写的作文！求雅思大神看看啊！能得多少分？！

我通过回忆全部写出来了！包括写错的地方也有！求大神看看啊！
题目是： 现在有很多小孩在课堂上越来越不专心了。
原因是什么，怎么解决？

以下是我的作文：
It is not uncommon to discuss the educational issue.

Many students especially youngsters believe that it istough to pay attention in the class. In my observation, there are two main reasonsfor this problem.

Firstly, school puts the heavy burdon upon the backsof these kids. In order to seek a better future for these children, thecurricula of school is generally full. Besides, most of these curricula is hardto learn. Once a student cannot finish his homework because it is toodifficult, it will weaken his motivation indeed. So it is reasonable that hecannot concentrate at school anymore.

In addition, many temptations are in this changingworld. Not to mention that there is avariety of computer games do attract children’s eyes. For example, a verypopular game called LOL is endearing to elementary students. In some cases, Ican see that a primary school student spent all of his leisure time on playingthat game regardless of homework, physical exercise and the like. To be honest,it seems like that no measure can stop it.

However, I strongly believe that there are someproposals can be taken to solve this problem. At the first, schools are not supposedto provide too much homework for kids but to provide students with somecreational activities such as seek-and-hide, jumping rope and make-believegame. Without playing computer game and having a relax life, these kids willconcentrate in the class again.

How to teach and how to educate remains a question,but it is for sure that if we can think in children’s way, the solution forthis issue will be more efficient.

Answer 1

1. 雅思写作的判分，跟看你卷子的那位大哥或者大姐的喜好很有干系。你这篇文章，手紧的考官，给你6.0分。手松的考官，给你6.5分。

2. 逻辑，内容写得相当不错了。但是语法的错，比如单复数，动词重复的错误时有出现。这是不能肯定地拿到6.5分的原因。如果能把中间的错误去掉的话， 6.5就没有问题了。

追问

谢谢老师，还有，有一句话我打漏了，就是在第四段，我说 in this changing world . The intuition of childern is play, not to mention....我想表达孩子的天性是玩耍。但是我当时紧张了，居然没写instinct, 写成直觉了。。。阅卷老师会不会弄死我啊。。。这篇文章怎么说，5。5 是不至于的吧。老师，我要吓死了。。

追答

个别词汇，不会影响整个试卷的判分。我看6.0分肯定没问题。如果5.5，你就投诉他复议吧。