Question

bec高级大作文求批改

如题~
题目
Performance of the car company you are in is not good recently because of several reasons. The Managing Director has asked you to write a report about how to solve these problems.

Tell your boss in which way you found these problems.
Explaining the reasons why these problems occurred.
Supplying your proposal to solve the issues.

Report on current situation
Introduction
The purpose of this report is to analyse the problems we have faced and to give recommendations to solve them.

Findings
As we all know, we have failed to achieve the target which was set in the earlier time. Even worse, the whole sales volume of May was much lower than that of April. After a thorough investigation carried out by our marking department, I found several reasons for the problems.
The reasons can be boiled down to the following: Firstly, we have launched a series of advertising campaigns in April and the result was far from satisfaction. Secondly, a new rival has entered the market, with a range of new type of cars which appealed to customers very much. Thirdly, our company hasn’t put on new products for a long time and our current products cannot satisfy the market’s needs.
Conclusion
Threatens have been coming both from the inside and outside.
Recommendations
According to the current market conditions, I propose that several measures could be taken. First of all, we must increase the budget for the research and development department so that the prototype of our new product can be showed at the end of this month. Moreover, the earlier advertising project should be stopped due to the new marking trend. To counterattack our new rival, a new advertising programme on our new type should be launched as soon as possible.

Answer 1

这是一篇论证很到位，用词比较规范的文章。值得一赞！
下面提些小意见：
首先是语法上：Firstly, we have launched a series of advertising campaigns in April and the result was far from satisfaction. 这句话的连词and用错了，应该改用转折连词but
其次是第三节“建议”：首先在新产品研发方面，可以具体举例讲讲怎样做，譬如问卷调查、售后反馈、新技术革新等等；接着除了新产品和广告推广以外，还可以谈谈第三点，譬如对已有产品的技术提升、促销活动、专卖店扩张，以及开拓国外市场等等，都是可以的。

希望对你有帮助！祝考试顺利！