1分钟的英语小故事或小笑话？
4个回答
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Mr youngman was brought tu uhe lounge of the nursing home to await his son.Since he was especially frail,the nurse was newer far from his side.
As ithappened,the ninety-year-old patiet had a strange trouble that day.Atleast once every minute he would slope slightly to one side of the chair,tilting his buttock.As soon as did so,the nurse hurried over and straightenend him rim right up.
Finally Mr Youngman's son Bod arrived.
"Well.pop,"The food's fine and the accomodations are even better_but there is one thing."
"What's that?"
Cocking his eyes over his shoulder,the old man whispered,"It's thad nurse over there,shere,she doesn't let me fart!"
杨曼先生背带道医护室的椅子上等待他的儿子来接他。他身体十分虚弱，护士总是不离开他。
碰巧，这位90岁的老人那天遇到了麻烦事。几乎每分钟都要站起来慢慢的向椅子翼侧倒，把屁股抬起来。可是，每一次，护士都会立刻把他的身体扶正。
最后，杨先生的儿子来了。
“您好，爸爸，”他说，“他们对您照顾得如何？”
老人回答：“这里的东西很好，住宿不错——只有一件事情让我不满意。”
“是什么事情？”
老人抬起眼皮，小声说：“就是那个护士，他不让我放屁。”
I didn’t notice it
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this
morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left.
Can you explain that?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the o
Other.
我没有看到它
妈妈: JOHNNY, 我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心, 现在只剩下一块了,你能解释一下吗?
JOHNNY: 嗯,我想是因为太里我没有看到另外一块吧。
TV Land
1. Good guys always shoot well than bad guys
2. Cars will explode in all accidents.
3. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
电视里的世界
1． 好人总比坏人射击更准，
2． 不管什么事故，汽车都会爆炸
3． 当一个人死去的时候，总会有一滴血从嘴角里流出来。
Making a Selection
I ‘v heard it said that the way to pick a barber in a barbershop is to choose the one with the worst haircut – they cut each their hair.
作选择
我听说了一个到美发店挑选理发师的方法：
就是找那些发型最差的，因为理发师们总是互相理发。
The result of a promise
Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your exam.
And you have failed. what were you doing last term?
Son: I was learning to drive a car.
许诺的结果
父亲： 我曾经许诺，如果你能考试及格就给你买一辆小汽
车，可是你却不能做到，上学期你到底做了什么？
儿子： 我整个学期都在学车。
Rainbow
1. Money is not everything. There is Master card & Visa.
2. Everyone should love animals. They so tasty.
3. Behind every success man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
4. then there was a man who said: “ I never knew what real happiness was until I got marriage, and then it was too late.
五彩缤纷
1． 不是一切， MASTER 卡和VISA 卡才是。
2． 每一个成功的男人后面都有一个女人，而不成功的男人背后都有两个女人。
3． 一个男人悲叹：“直到结婚我从不知道真正的幸福是什么。知道时已经太迟了。
Easily offended old lady
An old lady calls up police department: ‘officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.’
‘we will be right over, lady’
( 5 minute later, at her apartment )
Officer: ‘ which way, lady?’
Old lady: ‘ This way officer, he’s still shamelessly baring
himself .’
Officer: ‘ Where is him, lady? I don’t see the naked man.’
Old lady: ‘ Oh, you have to look thought this telescope.’
容易被侵犯的老太太
一位老太太打电话给警察局，“长官，在我们旁边的楼里有一个裸体的男人。”
“我们马上赶到，太太。”
（ 五分钟后，警察到了现场。）
警官：“在哪里？太太？”
老太太：“这边， 先生，他还在那儿不知羞耻地光着
呢。”
警官：“在哪里？太太，我并没有看到那个人啊？”
老太太：“ 噢，你只能用这个望远镜才能看得到。”
On being prepared for marriage
My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a regular guy – no earring or anything.
But really, I think a man with an earring is better prepare for marriage, I mean, he’s already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
做好结婚的准备
我的父母看到我的新丈夫后很高兴，因为他看上去象一个正常的小伙子，没有耳环一类的东西。 但是我认为戴耳环的男人更合适结婚。我的意思是说他已经有了疼痛， 并且有过买耳环的经历。
Lost my wife
A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked: “ You know, I ’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket, can you talk to me for a couple of minute?”
“ why?”
“ Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
寻找妻子
一个男人在超级市场里和一个美丽的女人攀谈：“ 你知道吗， 我和我的妻子在这里失散了，你可以和我聊几分钟吗？”
“为什么？”
“ 因为每当我和美女接触，我的妻子总会马上出现的。”
Be still my heart
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and begun playing with it.
“Be still my heart.” Thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow my footsteps!”
Then the child spoke to the instrument,
“ Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”
后继有人
去幼儿园的路上，医生放了他的听诊器在前座上，他的小女儿正在把玩。
“ 我后继有人了，”医生想，“我的女儿想跟从我的事业，要做一个医生呢。”
在这时候，他的女儿对着听诊器说道：“ 欢迎光临麦当劳，请问你要点什么？”
I am the driver
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“ It’s too crowded,” they shouted: “ What do you think who you are?”
“ I am the driver.” The man replied.
我是司机
巴士上挤满了人， 但还有一个人要挤进车里，一些乘客禁止那人上车，“太多人了，别挤上来了。”他们叫道：“你以为你是谁？”
“我是这车的司机。” 那人回答。
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to the unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the cheese onto the guest’s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: “ you must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find that cheese?”
“In the rat-trap, sir.” Replied the little boy.
好客之道
女主人向突然来访的客人献上一盘没有配上芝士的苹果派，“ 对不起，我家的芝士用完了。”女主人道歉。
他们家的小孩听了，悄悄地出去了一会儿。再进来时手上已经有了一块芝士，并交给了客人。 客人感激地把芝士放进嘴巴，笑着对孩子说：“ 看来你的眼睛比你妈妈的要好，你在哪儿找到的这块芝士？”
“在老鼠笼里，先生。” 孩子答道。
A nice put-down
“Do you mind if I smoke?”
“I don’t care if you burst into flames and die.”
妙驳
“ 你介意我点烟吗?”
“ 我不介意你点燃你自己, 然后在烟和火焰中把你自己烧死。”
As ithappened,the ninety-year-old patiet had a strange trouble that day.Atleast once every minute he would slope slightly to one side of the chair,tilting his buttock.As soon as did so,the nurse hurried over and straightenend him rim right up.
Finally Mr Youngman's son Bod arrived.
"Well.pop,"The food's fine and the accomodations are even better_but there is one thing."
"What's that?"
Cocking his eyes over his shoulder,the old man whispered,"It's thad nurse over there,shere,she doesn't let me fart!"
杨曼先生背带道医护室的椅子上等待他的儿子来接他。他身体十分虚弱，护士总是不离开他。
碰巧，这位90岁的老人那天遇到了麻烦事。几乎每分钟都要站起来慢慢的向椅子翼侧倒，把屁股抬起来。可是，每一次，护士都会立刻把他的身体扶正。
最后，杨先生的儿子来了。
“您好，爸爸，”他说，“他们对您照顾得如何？”
老人回答：“这里的东西很好，住宿不错——只有一件事情让我不满意。”
“是什么事情？”
老人抬起眼皮，小声说：“就是那个护士，他不让我放屁。”
I didn’t notice it
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this
morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left.
Can you explain that?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the o
Other.
我没有看到它
妈妈: JOHNNY, 我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心, 现在只剩下一块了,你能解释一下吗?
JOHNNY: 嗯,我想是因为太里我没有看到另外一块吧。
TV Land
1. Good guys always shoot well than bad guys
2. Cars will explode in all accidents.
3. When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
电视里的世界
1． 好人总比坏人射击更准，
2． 不管什么事故，汽车都会爆炸
3． 当一个人死去的时候，总会有一滴血从嘴角里流出来。
Making a Selection
I ‘v heard it said that the way to pick a barber in a barbershop is to choose the one with the worst haircut – they cut each their hair.
作选择
我听说了一个到美发店挑选理发师的方法：
就是找那些发型最差的，因为理发师们总是互相理发。
The result of a promise
Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your exam.
And you have failed. what were you doing last term?
Son: I was learning to drive a car.
许诺的结果
父亲： 我曾经许诺，如果你能考试及格就给你买一辆小汽
车，可是你却不能做到，上学期你到底做了什么？
儿子： 我整个学期都在学车。
Rainbow
1. Money is not everything. There is Master card & Visa.
2. Everyone should love animals. They so tasty.
3. Behind every success man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
4. then there was a man who said: “ I never knew what real happiness was until I got marriage, and then it was too late.
五彩缤纷
1． 不是一切， MASTER 卡和VISA 卡才是。
2． 每一个成功的男人后面都有一个女人，而不成功的男人背后都有两个女人。
3． 一个男人悲叹：“直到结婚我从不知道真正的幸福是什么。知道时已经太迟了。
Easily offended old lady
An old lady calls up police department: ‘officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.’
‘we will be right over, lady’
( 5 minute later, at her apartment )
Officer: ‘ which way, lady?’
Old lady: ‘ This way officer, he’s still shamelessly baring
himself .’
Officer: ‘ Where is him, lady? I don’t see the naked man.’
Old lady: ‘ Oh, you have to look thought this telescope.’
容易被侵犯的老太太
一位老太太打电话给警察局，“长官，在我们旁边的楼里有一个裸体的男人。”
“我们马上赶到，太太。”
（ 五分钟后，警察到了现场。）
警官：“在哪里？太太？”
老太太：“这边， 先生，他还在那儿不知羞耻地光着
呢。”
警官：“在哪里？太太，我并没有看到那个人啊？”
老太太：“ 噢，你只能用这个望远镜才能看得到。”
On being prepared for marriage
My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a regular guy – no earring or anything.
But really, I think a man with an earring is better prepare for marriage, I mean, he’s already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
做好结婚的准备
我的父母看到我的新丈夫后很高兴，因为他看上去象一个正常的小伙子，没有耳环一类的东西。 但是我认为戴耳环的男人更合适结婚。我的意思是说他已经有了疼痛， 并且有过买耳环的经历。
Lost my wife
A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked: “ You know, I ’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket, can you talk to me for a couple of minute?”
“ why?”
“ Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
寻找妻子
一个男人在超级市场里和一个美丽的女人攀谈：“ 你知道吗， 我和我的妻子在这里失散了，你可以和我聊几分钟吗？”
“为什么？”
“ 因为每当我和美女接触，我的妻子总会马上出现的。”
Be still my heart
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and begun playing with it.
“Be still my heart.” Thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow my footsteps!”
Then the child spoke to the instrument,
“ Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”
后继有人
去幼儿园的路上，医生放了他的听诊器在前座上，他的小女儿正在把玩。
“ 我后继有人了，”医生想，“我的女儿想跟从我的事业，要做一个医生呢。”
在这时候，他的女儿对着听诊器说道：“ 欢迎光临麦当劳，请问你要点什么？”
I am the driver
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“ It’s too crowded,” they shouted: “ What do you think who you are?”
“ I am the driver.” The man replied.
我是司机
巴士上挤满了人， 但还有一个人要挤进车里，一些乘客禁止那人上车，“太多人了，别挤上来了。”他们叫道：“你以为你是谁？”
“我是这车的司机。” 那人回答。
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to the unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the cheese onto the guest’s plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: “ you must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find that cheese?”
“In the rat-trap, sir.” Replied the little boy.
好客之道
女主人向突然来访的客人献上一盘没有配上芝士的苹果派，“ 对不起，我家的芝士用完了。”女主人道歉。
他们家的小孩听了，悄悄地出去了一会儿。再进来时手上已经有了一块芝士，并交给了客人。 客人感激地把芝士放进嘴巴，笑着对孩子说：“ 看来你的眼睛比你妈妈的要好，你在哪儿找到的这块芝士？”
“在老鼠笼里，先生。” 孩子答道。
A nice put-down
“Do you mind if I smoke?”
“I don’t care if you burst into flames and die.”
妙驳
“ 你介意我点烟吗?”
“ 我不介意你点燃你自己, 然后在烟和火焰中把你自己烧死。”
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一个女的女扮男装去从军，一次战争中女的受了伤，排长说有事吗，女的说没有，班长急了，脱下女的裤子，说jb都被炸掉了还没事。
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TWO TO TWO TO TWO TWO
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下面我给大家将一个冷笑话
谢谢大家
谢谢大家
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