Question

托福作文求批改～～～

Title:The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teacher's salaries.

There has long been a controversy that in order to improve the quality of education we need to increase the teachers’ salaries. Due to the development of the society, never has it been so intense like today. Some people hold the opinion that this is useless and they claim that this may limit the money spent on teaching facilities. However, from my point of view, I think it is useful. The reasons to substantiate my opinion are given below.

To begin with, more excellent talents will choose to become a university teacher if the salary is higher. For example, I know that a computer company near my home wanted to hire a employee. They offered a position with a low salary at first and they received nearly no application. And then, they greatly raise the salary. To their surprise, a lot of people applied for the job and they finally employed a young man from Yale. From this case we can see that salary plays an important role in whether people want to work in a position. That is to say, more talented people will become a university teacher, and as a result, the quality of education can be improved. Consequently, we should raise the salary to improve the teaching quality of university.

In addition, raising the salary of teachers can make teachers happier and they will more willing to communicate with the students. To appreciate what this means, we should turn to a case that is very common in our daily life. Supposed that John is a university teacher and his salary is low. He may think this is unfair because the people doing other job receive a much higher salary than he does. So he is always in a bad mood and when the students turn to him for help, he may not willing to help them. But a higher salary can solve the problem perfectly. With a high salary, teachers will be in good mood and thay will be willing to help students. As a result, we should raise the salary of the teachers.

However, we have to admit that the university will have less money to spend on teaching facilities with a higher salary of teachers. Nevertheless, the problem of teaching facilities can be overcame but the quality of teacher can’t. How can a university with advanced teaching facilites has a good quality of education if the teachers of it are unqualified? So, we should raise the salary of the teachers’.

From what we have discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that in order to improve the teaching quality of university, we should raise the salary of teachers in the university.
多谢！

Answer 1

别的不用看，你最后的结尾就跑题了，人家问的是education，你最后把education 换成university了 ，总体感觉，你用的词汇都太低级，像什么useful happy can之类的应该全换了，换成高级词汇~~意思倒是挺明确的，应该提高词汇量，建议第一段，找个模板试试

Answer 2

新东方改一篇100. 反正我建议你找一对一改，这才有用。要老师帮你改到满分

Answer 3

我认为这样的作文是要扣分的，至于具体……可以下载有道词典，免费的。（我不是托儿）

Answer 4

写的挺好

Answer 5

这几篇作文还ok，好~~~~~，还不错！！

追问

你妹的。。。

追答

你妈的。。。。