Question

帮我找英语的小故事或笑话

可以的话帮我找多几个
我要1~3分钟长度左右的
水平要初中的
单词别太难的
最好是单词短，篇幅中等的
先给10分，回答好的再加

Answer 1

The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”

零钱不用找了

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。

Keep the Change

Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
你自己选一个吧

Answer 2

This story occurrence is in more than 100 year agos.A day morning, chemist cypress together benefit the 斯(Swede) sets out to the laboratory from the home, the wife says:"Today is your birthday, having relatives to congratulate your birthday in the evening, wanting to come back to be early some after going off work."
Cypress together benefit the 斯 work very hard, getting up in the laboratory work is more than ten hours, sometimes even is don't go home several days and all.So the wife knows to give repeated advice to of affair, the husband is uncertain and then can remember.The birthday party starts front she went to a husband's laboratory again, seeing a husband be sinking to immerse in the experiment, is also black on the hand of thing.
Cypress together benefit once the 斯 return to a house, picked up one cup grape wine to say to the visitor, "very sorry, I came back a night."Said him to drink that glass wine to descend.Just finished drinking that glass wine, he asked a wife:"How to give me the vinegar to drink?", Wife and the guests all looking at him strangely.Everyone says that"just what we drink is the wine in the all the same of bottle, how may be a vinegar?"
Cypress together benefit the 斯 tooks a look cup carefully, having already tooked a look an oneself's hand to say with smile, I know why:"Ising the top of the my hand is these platinum black powder reasons, these powders make the alcohol in the grape wine(note:The scientific term is called ether)have chemical reaction with the oxygen in the air, born the cause of acetic acid."
People are called"catalyst function" to this kind of chemistry reflection, the material which has a catalyst function calls catalyst.
中文是：这个故事发生在100多年前。一天早晨，化学家柏齐利阿斯（瑞典人）从家里出发去实验室，妻子说：“今天是你的生日，晚上有亲戚来祝贺你的生日，下班后要回来早一些。”
柏齐利阿斯工作非常认真，在实验室工作起来就是几十个小时，有时甚至是好几天都不回家。所以妻子知道叮嘱的事情，丈夫不一定就能记住。生日宴会开始前她又去了一趟丈夫的实验室，看见丈夫正沉浸在实验中，手上也是黑乎乎的东西。
柏齐利阿斯一回到家，就拿起一杯红葡萄酒对来客说，“很对不起，我回来晚了。”说着他把那杯酒喝了下去。刚喝完那杯酒，他就问妻子：“怎么给我醋喝？”，妻子和客人们都奇怪的看着他。大家都说，“刚才我们喝的都是同一个瓶子里的酒，怎么可能是醋呢？”
柏齐利阿斯仔细的看了看杯子，有看了看自己的手笑着说，我知道为什么了：“是我手上这些铂黑粉末原因，这些粉末使红葡萄酒里的酒精（注：学名称为乙醇）与空气中的氧气起了化学反应，生成了醋酸的缘故。”
人们把这种化学反映叫做“催化作用”，具有催化作用的物质叫催化剂。

Answer 3

TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".

汤姆的借口

老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and
saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very
pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and
said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.
What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all
myself," said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴
，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都
做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？"
"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

英语幽默笑话

Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.

Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.

圣诞节英语笑话

Peace and love for you at Christmas from all your students.
祝老师圣诞节充满平安和爱。

Wishing you a sparkling Christmas and bright happy New Year!
May the season bring much pleasure to you.
愿你的圣诞光彩夺目，愿你的新年灿烂辉煌！佳节快乐！

Wishing you all the blessings of a beautiful Christmas
season.
愿你拥有圣诞节所有美好的祝福。

Wishing you all the happiness of the holiday season.
祝节日幸福如意。

Hope all your Christmas dreams come true!
愿你所有的圣诞梦想都成真！