Question

请一个有耐心一点的英语老师帮我改改我翻译的这个文章，尽量能详细一点，句子的时态，不定式，等

很久以前，有一位老中医，他专为皇上服务，他每天都会去山上采药，有一天他看见有棵树上的叶子又粗又大，于是采回家喝，过了几个月，他觉得自己的身体越来越强壮，有一天，皇上病了，于是推荐给皇上，皇上服用后也觉得身体越来越好，皇上很感谢这个医生。然后问老中医这个药叫什么名字，老中医说这是观音在梦中赐给他的，所以她取名为观音茶，后来，老中医死了，人们为了纪念他，给这个茶起了一个新名字叫铁观音，因为他姓铁。人将他的姓名与信仰合在一起，叫铁观音。
longlong years ago , have a traditional doctor,this dc only severs for king . this dc erevy day should go to mountain faund some medcin and one day he faund this madcine is very big leaves. he picks this leaves and go home to cooking after few month,he feel very strong the body ,one day, the king was sick,he intrduce to king, after king enjoy , his sick get better and better. his very thinks the doc,and the king ask the doc what the name for this madcine ,the doc said in my dream is a buddz gift for me.so i give the madcine name budda tea，many years later ,the dc pass away.people want to remeber this doctor. so change the new name iron budda tea,becuse his family name is Iron.he belive buddz.
这是老师叫我们翻译的，我翻译的不好，请大师指点，指点，帮我改改时态，句子结构，很多很多 错误，老师到时候会让我们上台背，所以不要用太复杂的单词，尽量能够不改动我的单词，我是初学者，请海涵。

Answer 1

（Long time ago, Long years before）Once upon a time, there was an old herbalist（traditional doctor） who served only for his Highness. With the first glimmer of sunlight on each day, he would collect his medicine up high on the hills. One day, he saw a tree branched with leaves thick and big, and therefore, (under curiosity) he took some leaves and went back to his dwelling place. Several months after he drunk the tea made by the leaves, he felt more and more that his old, wrinkled body spark with youthfulness and energy. One day, when his highness was ill, he recommended his special leaves for the emperor; and the emperor felt better and better after drunk the tea made by the leaves. (After he became fully cured), His majesty felt greatly thankful to the old herbalist and asked him what was the name of the herb. The old herbalist told him the herb was handed to him by the Guanyin, and thus the tea was called the Guanyin tea. A long while after, the old herbalist was dead. In memory of him, people renamed the tea after the last name of the herbalist, Tie, and therefore the tea's name becomes Tie Guanyin. Since the old herbalist also believes in Buddhism, Tie Guanyin combines the name of the herbalist and his faith well.

你的问题：很抱歉，我写的可能不是最好的，因为我也在学英语，但我可以告诉你你的问题在哪，也可以说说一说我为什么改了你很多地方。但不要气馁，你是一个初学者，有很多进步的空间，几年以后说不定你回来看我写的东西还会觉得我像个初学者呢，哈哈哈

第一句：1。英文没有像中文似的形容词叠字，所以long long years ago 不可取，我用Once upon a time是英国童话式的“很久很久以前”，因为这也是一个小故事，所以我就用了它，其他的选择我也列出来
2。have是拥有的意思，需要主语而且一般是人，sb has sth，而there is不需要管那摩多，意思就是“这里有什么什么”。老中医可以用你的“traditional doctor”， 但herbalist我觉得更贴切，因为他指的是草药方面的医生，和咱么国家的中医意思很贴切。
3。断句方面有些问题，你在这里不用断句，可以用and连接，我用who引导的状语就是为了不重复。要用king一定要带the，或emperor，我用your highness是因为我一看到皇上的上我就想到了这个词。这也是英国以前称呼王的方式，就是your highness, your majesty。

第二句：1。every day 是副词，用来修饰动词，最好放名词之前动词之后。为什么用should，should是应该的意思，原文没有这意思，而且它有命令的意思，像you should clean your bed。found 和medicine 拼错了，而且语法不对，go to mountain to find some medicine, 有了动词，后面就不能再有，只能用不定式，后面这里要用句号因为这是另外一端事儿。中文原文标点符号就有问题。英文里没有“找到的叶子是又粗又大”，这里一定要有状语，要不然不知道哪是主要，那是次要，搜易要改成he found a medicine leaves which is thick and big

你实在不行加我好友吧，到时候你可以发我站内信，我们细谈，因为这里面牵扯了太多架构和理解问题，不过我已经说了，不要气馁，肯定会进步的！！

Answer 2

我觉得皇上还是翻译成emperor比较好，皇上并不是针对他一个人的，而且英语中“陛下”这个称呼是Your Majesty，在面对面的对话中才会用到，但常人说到有一个皇帝，还是使用emperor比较好。而且death_jest 的一些翻译过于晦涩，很多地方翻译得不准确，可以用比较简单易懂准确的语言来翻译。以下是我的一些想法：
Once upon a time, there was an old doctor who served only for the emperor. he climbed on the hill to collect his medicine everyday. One day, he saw a tree with thick and big leaves, then he took some leaves back and made soup with them. Several months after him drinking the soup, he felt more and more strong. Once, the emperor was sick, the doctor recommended his special leaves for the emperor. After drinking the soup, the emperor felt better and better, he was very grateful to the old doctor and asked him what was the name of the herb. The doctor said Guanyin handed the herb to him in dream, so the herb was called the Guanyin tea. Afterwords, the old doctor dead. In memorial of him, people renamed the tea after the last name of the doctor,Tie, and therefore the tea's name becomes Tie Guanyin. Tie Guanyin combines the name of the doctor and his religion as well.

Answer 3

你现在这个水平还不适合翻译，特别是汉翻英，真的......
你先试试英翻汉吧......

追问

谢谢你的建议，我写的不好，见笑了。请问可以帮我改改吗？我知道你肯定很厉害，希望你能帮我指出几点错误，可能会浪费你的时间，但这样我会记得更深刻，谢谢 谢谢。。。我想你学习过程中也会遇到好老师，我希望你能帮我一下。

追答

我能看出来挺破的，可是我还没到能改的水平，推荐一本书，新概念，第二册和第三册。

追问

就是不愿意帮忙嘛~ 你改的不对 我也不会笑话你，如果真的改不好，也算是给你一个练习的机会吗。我知道你是高手，新概念我明天去买，你帮我改改，我急用。谢谢了，改的不好不要紧，帮忙就好，这也是做好事嘛。

追答

大哥啊，你真的是高看我了......

Answer 4

longlong ago, there was an old traditional doctor, who only severd for king . he went to climb mountains erevy day to gather herbs, and one day he found a tree with very big leaves on it. he picked the leaves and went back home to cook it and drink. after a few months,he felt he become stronger. one day, the king was sick, so he intrduced the herb to king, and after the king drinking it he recovered and got better and better. he thank the doctor very much,and the king asked the doc what the name of this madcine, the doc said it was a buddz who gave him it as a gift, so he named the madcine Guanyin tea. Later, the dc died. in order to be in honour of him, people gave a new name Tie Guanyin, becuse his family name is Tie. people bound his name and his belief together, that is so called Tie Guanyin.

Answer 5

long long ago, there was an old traditional doctor, who only severd for king . he went to climb mountains erevy day to gather herbs, and one day he found a tree with very big leaves on it. he picked the leaves and went back home to cook it and drink. after a few months,he felt he become stronger. one day, the king was sick, so he intrduced the herb to king, and after the king drinking it he recovered and got better and better. he thank the doctor very much,and the king asked the doc what the name of this madcine, the doc said it was a God names "Guanyin" who bestow him it during his dream, so he named the madcine Guanyin tea. Later, the dc died. people want to remember him, so they gave a new name to the madcine "Tie Guanyin", becuse his family name is Tie. people bound his family name and his belief together, so named "Tie Guanyin."
只是把楼上的略微改了下。。希望可以帮到你

Answer 6

Once upon a time, there was an old traditional doctor, who served for the emperor specially. He would gather medicinal herbs on the mountain everday. One day, he found a tree with big leaves on it, and he picked the leaves and drunk for several months, finding himself in a better health. One day, the emperor was ill, and he take the medicine which the old doctor introduced, surprised to find himself in a better condition, too. He was gratefui to the doctor and asked for the name of the medicine. The old doctor replied that the medicine was given by Kwan-yin, so he would like to name it as Kwan-yin tea. Later, the old doctor passes away. People changed the name as iron Goddessin honor of the doctor whose sur name was Tie. The name was combined with the name and the belief, called iron Goddess.