Question

雅思作文求修改意见，只求修到6.5就好。快考试了急求！感谢~~~

题目：Thegraph and chart below give information about water use worldwide and waterconsumption in two different countries.Summarise the information by selectingand reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write atleast 150 words.

正文：The graph and table below give theinformation about how water has been used all over the world and how water is consumedin two different countries.
Between1900 to 2000 ,the global water use for agriculture ,industry and home presented an increasing trend in the picture.Besides ,what we can conclude from the table is that although Brazil’s population and irrigated land are very different from Democratic Republic of Congo ,the consumption of the average water use in Brazil is rather more than Congo.
According to the picture ,the global water use is growing .It seems that the global water use for agriculture is easing up .Meanwhile ,the global water use for industry is edging up .And the domestic water use is the least among the threeareas .According to the data ,the population is 5.2million in Democratic Republic ofCongo.Meanwhile the irrigated landis 1000 k㎡. Compared to Congo ,the population and irrigated land of Brazil are much larger .By studying the statistics ,we can learn that the averrage irrigated land in Congo is only about 1/9 of that in Brazil.Moreover ,the water consumption per person of Brazil is 359 m³ ,44times more than that in Congo.

Answer 1

雅思写作在雅思备考中是很重要的一部分，雅思写作5分是有套评分标准的，据小编老师了解，考出5分的原因有很多，比如表达单，或者是词汇匮乏等，那么有没有好方法在5分的基础上提升呢？
目前中烤鸭的雅思写作水平，大部分都是在5分这个阶段徘徊，那么5分的写作评分标准是什么?为什么大都会得5分而不是6分呢?想要突破5分的话，怎么办呢?针对这系列问题，下面小编就给大家介绍一下关于雅思写作写作5分的问题答疑的相关内容，希望可以帮助正在准备雅思备考的同学。
雅思写作5分的评分标准
不同分数往往都有各自相应的写作评分标准，那么，5分作文的评分标准到底是什么样的呢?这里老师就简单的说下，5分其实就是在任务回应方面：烤鸭们只是部分回应题目要求;有立场但是他你并没有论证，并且对此还不总是清晰;能够提出些主要观点但有限;至于在连贯与衔接方面：信息呈现有些组织但是往往缺少了整体的延续性;在词汇资源的方面：他们往往只能够使用些有限句型，并且还图去使用复杂句但准确度不够;至于在语法结构与准确性方面：它们的语法和标点经常都有错误。
雅思写作5分的原因
上海环球雅思写作培训老师认为导致5分的原因主要还是有两点，低个是烤鸭们的表达单，词不达意，二个是烤鸭们本身的词汇比较匮乏，作文写出来索然无味。其实就二点而言，由于词汇不足，导致大在写作文时，往往会在文中不断的去重复个词，这样肯定就会使得作文索然无味了。比如在“促进”词的表达上，有些考生往往只知道improve,于是就会去不断使用improve词。殊不知，你们其实还可以用promote,enhance,甚至是advance等词来替换表达。
攻克雅思写作5分的方法
想要提分，那么建议考生可以去熟悉了解雅思复习资料中不同题型及范文，尤其是范文，考生定要做到去分析范文的结构、思路、以及逻辑等并总结规律。要做到对不同题型去进行分类，另外还要各找道有范文的题，还可以去根据范文总结自己的模板，然后再去根据模板改编范文，这样的话我们就有了完全使用自己模板的范文;再找其他题目，然后使用这个模板改编至少2篇范文。连着去做几天，完全使用自己模板。
目前中烤鸭在写作这块普遍都是5分，对于留学而言这个分数并不有利，反而还会托后腿，因此小编提醒大家定要强加练习，利用攻克5分的方法去进行备考。

Answer 2

对于line graph ，一定需要介绍 起点值，转折点的值，终点的值，变化趋势，交点值，以及对不同线段之间进行适当的对比。 描述的时候逻辑结构要尽可能的清晰，可以按照时间顺序，从左到右写，按照数值大小，从大到小进行描述。希望可以帮到你。 我表格题并不擅长，所以没有改写

The graph and table below(一定要删掉的词) give the information about how water has been used all over the world and how water is consumed in two different countries.
==> The line graph illustrates data about water use worldwide while the table gives information about water consumption in two different countries -Brazil and Congo.

Between1900 to 2000 ,the (figure for)global water use for agriculture ,industry and home presented an increasing trend in the picture(graph).Besides ,what we can conclude from the table is that although Brazil’s population and irrigated land are very different from Democratic Republic of Congo ,the consumption of the average water use in Brazil is rather more than (in)Congo.

==> we can see from the line graph that the amount of water used by agriculture, industry and household all appeared a rising trend from 1900 to 2000. Over this decade, the figure for agricultural water consumption was consistently much higher than other two sectors’consumption. In 1990, the number of water used by agriculture was 500 km3. After a slow growth to 1000 Km3 till 1950, the figure for agricultural water use increased dramatically, ending at around 3000 Km3 in 2000. By contrast, in industry and household sector, the number of water used remained stable at nearly 0 from very beginning to 1950, and after that the figure began to rise gradually, ending at 1200 Km3 and 400 Km3 in 2000, respectively. Additionally,over this decade, the water consumption for industry was consistently more than for home, and the gap of water use was widened gradually with time, which became especially obvious after 1905.