Question

帮忙看看一篇英语作文

The wonderful view of countryside

Not in a hurry, I went to see my grandparents this holiday. After three hours’ drive, at four o’clock I finally reached the small place. It was quite a pretty town which was next to a road and near the mountains. In front of the town, there’s the Thousand Islets Lake.
It was such great fun to see the beautiful scenery on the mountains. The sun was shining brightly in the middle of the sky. Some ducks were swimming on the lake lazily which was shining just like a mirror. The islands in the lake were like the almond in a chocolate cake. A large number of birds were flying over my head; they cut the sky into two halves. One was just shining as brightly as the shining sun at daytime; the other is darker, cloudier and dirtier.
Night soon came, I sat in front of the lake, watching the moon rising from the lake. As the moon appeared, the world suddenly turned silent. I can real remember that there was a time when the sound of the insects, the light of the moon and the warm wind made me spellbind. For a little hungry, my grandpa brought me some fish to eat. It was the first time that I taste the special fish over this perfect view.
There when the moon gate opened, the light shining even brighter, stars became to shine too. The wind bright some aroma of flowers, some cool of night and some fine feelings of being lonely.

帮忙看看有什么错误，其中There when the moon gate opened这句看看有没不适的地方。

Answer 1

乡下美妙的看法

不急忙, 我去看我的祖父母这个假日。在三个小时以后’ 驾驶, 在四o’计时我最后到达了小地方。这相当是是在路旁边和临近山的一个俏丽的镇。在镇前面, 那里’s 一千个Islets 湖。
这是这样伟大的乐趣看美好的风景在山。太阳明亮地发光在天空中间。一些鸭子懒惰游泳在发光象镜子的湖。海岛在湖是象杏仁在巧克力蛋糕。很大数量的鸟飞行在我的头; 他们切开了天空成二个一半。你是正义一样明亮地发光象发光的太阳在白天; 其他是更加黑暗, 更加多云和更加肮脏的。
夜很快来了, 我坐了在湖前面, 观看月亮上升从湖。当月亮出现, 世界突然转动了沈默。我罐头真正记得, 有时候当昆虫、光月亮和温暖的风的声音使我迷住。为一点饥饿, 我的祖父带来我一些鱼吃。第一次是, 我品尝特别鱼在这个完善的看法。
那里当月亮门打开了, 光发光更加明亮, 星成为发光也是。风明亮花一些芳香, 某一凉快夜和一些美好的感觉的是孤独的。

Answer 2

The wonderful view of countryside

leisurely, I went to see my grandparents this holiday. The small village where they were living was small and tranquil. After three hours’ drive, I finally reached the small village at four o’clock . It was quite a pretty town which sat next to a road near the mountains. In front of the town, there’s the Thousand Islets Lake.
It was such great fun to see the beautiful scenery on the mountains. The sun was shining brightly in the middle of the sky. Lazily, some ducks were swimming on the lake which was glimmering like a silver mirror. The islands in the lake resembled the nuts on a chocolate cake. Crowds of birds were flying over my head, dividing the sky into two halves. One was shining as brightly as the brilliant sun; the other is sullen, shadowy and obscured.
Night soon came, I was sitting in front of the lake, watching the moon rising from the lake. As the moon appeared, the world suddenly turned silent. I can really remember that there was a time when the sound of the insects, the light of the moon and the warm wind made me spellbind. My grandpa brought me some fish to eat because I felt a little hungry. It was the first time that I tasted the special fish in this perfect night scenery.
There when the moon gate opened, the light shining even brighter and stars winked at me. I felt I was floating in the cool wind which dissolved the aroma of flowers. The serenity of night overwhelmed me and made me reluctant to leave.
修改过的东西，换掉了一些重复太多的单词，改变了一些sentence structure，总的来说思路挺好的，只是词汇量需要补充一些。